DanMargarita.com

Some people are aghast at the Presidents womanizing, but the aforementioned Mr. Flynt has made us aware that many guys seem to enter politics to "meet chicks." Certainly, many of those that shoot for the highest office in the land don't think that being the most powerful man in the world should be a hindrance to their love life.

If you think about it, it's a pretty original pick-up line. How many guys can go into a bar and say, "Hi, I'm Bill. How'd you like to see me start a global thermonuclear war?" Hey, I once told a woman that I had played shortstop in the Phillies organization. She didn't even buy that.

Of course no one would even think of Lincoln hitting on women in the nation's capital. Except me, of course. I've often imagined what might be some of Lincoln?s pick-up lines:

"Hi, I'm Abe. Let me show you why they call me 'the rail-splitter.'"

"I once walked six miles to return a book, but I'd walk to the ends of the Earth for you."

"Let me be your great emancipator."

"Lee surrendered to Grant. Why don't you surrendered to me?"

"How'd you like to see the original 'Lincoln Log'?"

To put things in proper perspective I'e compiled a list comparing and contrasting the two men which will never make anybody' history book, but defines the differences between them adequately for me.

LINCOLN: Shot at Ford's Theater.
CLINTON: Made out in a Ford at the drive in.

LINCOLN: Known for the Gettysburg Address.
CLINTON: Known to stand under grated stairs and look up many a dress.

LINCOLN: Spent many sleepless nights in the Lincoln bedroom.
CLINTON: Also spent many sleepless nights in the Lincoln bedroom.

LINCOLN: Implemented the draft.
CLINTON: Avoided the draft.

LINCOLN: Didn't smoke.
CLINTON: Didn't inhale.

LINCOLN: Freed the slaves.
CLINTON: Freed his inhibitions.

LINCOLN: Wore a stovepipe hat.
CLINTON: Loves Stovetop Stuffing.

LINCOLN: Was President during a civil war.
CLINTON: Fell asleep during A Civil Action.

Well, the impeachment trial is over, but Kenneth Starr is poised to continue the inquisitions as his seemingly boundless authority seems fit. I fully expect him to invade Poland soon.

The spirit and good cheer of this most festive of holidays shall not be dampened for me, nor shall I lose faith in our system of government. (One of the problems of writing is that the reader can't see you smirking when you're being facetious.)

It's time for me to go now, because I have to begin my shopping for next year's President's Day and I want to get a jump on the rest of the crowd.

(Smirk.)