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December 29, 1999
The Millennium in Review
Well, we're heading towards the end of the year and, of course, the end of the millennium, in case you hadn't heard. Although some people contend that the millennium doesn't change until 2001, that is an argument for a different day. Usually around this time of year you start seeing "year in review" columns. Granted, it's a pretty hackneyed format, but...I do need things to write about. So this seems like as good a time as any to look at the last thousand years, so here it is:
"The Millennium in Review"
Dec. 31, 1 B.C.---The ageless Dick Clark rings in the New Year.
Dec. 25, 0---Jesus is born in the city of Bethlehem.
Dec. 26, 0---The first Boxing Day.
1334---The Black Plague sweeps across Europe. Millions die, property values plummet.
1436---Guttenberg invents the printing press. Shortly thereafter, Baron Von Falwell organizes the first book burning.
1492---Native Americans discover Columbus, live to regret it.
1519---Ferdinand Magellan begins his voyage around the world. His mission, to seek out new civilizations. To boldly go where no man had gone before.
1626---Dutch buy the island of Manhattan from the natives for $24. Land holding include the "Trump Teepee."
1773---American colonists, furious at the British tea tax, dress up like Indians and dump tea into Boston Harbor. Local Indians decide that it's best to get out of town for a while. Americans discover their love of coffee.
1776---On July 4th the Continental Congress declares independence from Great Britain. Fireworks and hibachi sales skyrocket.
1861---South Carolina decides to secede from the Union. The federal government demands that it take New Jersey with it. South Carolina refuses, and the Civil War begins.
1876---In a bold military maneuver, General George Armstrong Custer is slaughtered by Sioux Indians at the Little Big Horn in Montana. Army strategists learn from this and try to avoid being slaughtered in the future.
1903---Orville Wright becomes the first man to fly an airplane. His brother Wilbur scolds him for not having his tray table and seat in the up-right position.
1907---Mahatma Ghandi uses passive resistance for the first time. Actually, he intends to use force, but weeks of fasting have left him too weak to fight.
1914---The Archduke Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary is assassinated, which for some reason plunges all of Europe into war.
1939---Germany invades Poland to start World War II. In the confusion, Poland, while attempting to defend itself, accidentally winds up invading itself. This ends up putting them in the odd position of simultaneously surrendering and declaring victory.
1945---The U.S. drops two atomic bombs on Japan. Years later, giant reptiles named Godzilla and Rodan emerge from the sea.
1961---The Soviet Union erects the Berlin Wall, ostensibly to keep dissidents from defecting, but rumors abound that Nikita Kruschev deems it the safest way to keep American President John F. Kennedy away from Russian women.
1969---Neil Armstrong becomes the first man to walk on the moon. His statement that it's "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" is broadcast around the world. Lost in the transmission is "I'm going to Disneyland." NASA continues to send men to the moon, eventually allowing Allan Sheppard to golf on the moon. Congress begins scaling back funding shortly thereafter.
There it is folks, the millennium in a nutshell.
Posted by dmargarita at December 29, 1999 10:21 PM