DanMargarita.com

At the end of 1999 some foretold of utter calamity in the year 2000. To hear doomsayers tell it, computers would crash and elevators would stop at mid-floor. Planes, helicopters and possibly even birds would come crashing down from the sky. Someone even told me that VCR's would get messed up because some modern VCR?s included the date and year in addition to the time. I'm still using the VCR that I bought in 1985, so I don't know if it's true or not. Why would anyone need the year on their VCR? When have you ever heard somebody say, "Honey, what year is this?"

If you don't know what year it is, my guess is that you're not capable of programming a VCR.

As peaceful as the transition into the New Year proved to be, the end of the year wound up in turmoil due to the contested presidential election. George W. Bush was finally declared the winner, as you probably know by now (if not, then don't even think about trying to program a VCR).

Bush is now in the process of naming his cabinet and The Washington Post recently reported that Navy folks are pushing to have former Dallas Cowboy quarterback Roger Staubach named Secretary of the Navy. I can see this pick. Bush is a Texan and a sports fan, so it's logical that he might select the former Heisman Trophy winner, NFL Hall of Famer and Naval Academy graduate.

It got me to thinking about some political appointments that I'd make if I were in a position to do so:

Surgeon General---Dr. Bill Lenkitis. Not that he was a hero of mine, but he did play for the Patriots, if we're picking NFL football players. The fact that he's a dentist shouldn't disqualify him, or former Red Sox pitcher and Cy Young award winner, Jim Lonborg, my other choice for the job. Other possible candidates include Dr. Ruth Westheimer and Dr. John.

Attorney General---Judge Wapner. He doesn't fool around. He takes charge of his court and can render a verdict in a half-hour.

Secretary of Education---Maureen McQuinn, my fourth grade teacher. A great teacher and a terrific person.

Secretary of the Interior---Woddy Allen. He may not be qualified for it, but he did make a movie called Interiors. Most people don't even know what the Secretary of the Interior does, anyway. This person is in charge of the National Parks. Shouldn't this job be called the Secretary of the Exterior?

Secretary of State---This is a job that requires diplomacy of the highest order. Someone who can get between two warring parties and get them to put aside their aggression and come to the negotiating table. There is only one person I can think of: Mr. Rogers. How could Yassir Arafat and Ehud Barak possibly refuse any proposals put forth by this gentle soul?

Defense Secretary---Col. Klink. Okay, so he's a fictional character, but I thought I'd give a little tip of the cap here to the late Werner Klemperer, who recently passed away; a fine actor who could never do a serious role again without people saying "Hah! Look, it's Col. Klink!" This is in no way an endorsement of the cause of the Axis powers.

National Security Advisor---James Bond. As long as we're going with fictional characters, this is a no-brainer. If he could handle Goldfinger, Blofeld and Dr. No, then Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden should be no problem.

As you can see, some of the people I would select are fictional characters. We're not likely to see them in office unless the man elected President is my ultimate hero, Homer Simpson.