DanMargarita.com

The controversy surrounding Danny Almonte has shown that it is not only possible, but may turn out to be quite profitable. Before being discovered as being too old to play in the Little League World Series, the 12-year-old, sorry, 14-year-old had made national headlines and seemed on track for a stellar professional baseball career. He signed an estimated 2000 autographs on one day, so could endorsements have been too far down the road?

What with modern computer technology it is easy enough to fake a birth certificate and hack into government systems. While it’s true that with age I have lost a little off my fastball, and am probably no longer in Almonte's 70 m.p.h. range, I still possess enough heat to put away most 10 year olds. Of course the 11 and 12 year olds would be a little more of a challenge, but I think that I could keep them off balance with my off-speed pitches.

Having played and coached at various levels for many years, I feel that I have a lot to offer in terms of knowledge to the youngsters. For instance, any kid standing too close to the plate while I am on the mound will soon learn the meaning of such phrases as "chin music" and "brush back pitch."

Any child attempting to turn a double play as I come barreling into second with a take out slide will go crying to his mommy. Literally.

While opponents will learn these gritty baseball lessons from me, there would be plusses to playing on a team with me. If teammates need a ride to the game, I can drive them. For that matter, I'm also available to buy them beer.

If I could reach the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pa., I could showcase my talents on national TV. Perhaps there would be interest from the major leagues, and even if I were to be found out, imagine the money I could make from writing a tell-all book. Jim Bouton was the first to do so with his epic, Ball Four, revealing the seamier side of the national pastime. Surely, a tell-all book about my experiences in Little League would be a best seller. I could write about who likes whom, who eats paste, and who has cooties.

It appears that Almonte may be in the country illegally and hasn't attended a day of school since entering the U.S. He may only be fourteen, but he's already been treated like a major leaguer.

If you'll excuse me now, I've got to go start my workouts.