DanMargarita.com

One videotape purportedly shows terrorists posing as golf caddies who eventually pull out Kalishnakov rifles and blast away at a cardboard cut out of a dignitary. So what kind of a dignitary would pick an Al Qaeda member to be his caddie? It seems to me that dignitaries would usually have some sort of security people around them who would probably carry their bags and aren?t likely to select the guy reading the Koran with the funny looking ball retriever slung over his shoulder to be his caddie.

Government officials have let us know of the sophisticated weaponry that these people have acquired. Yet none of those were needed to bring down the President recently when the most powerful man in the world was briefly taken out of commission by a pretzel. (This would be an opportune time to paraphrase the old Chevy Chase joke that
"alert Secret Service agents seized the pretzel and wrestled it to the ground.")

When terrorists attacked the World Trade Center last September, the President cited it as an example of why the U.S. must pursue the Strategic Defense Initiative, or "Star Wars" as it is commonly known, which would have been useless in the attacks. Mr. Bush may want to reconsider his priorities and develop a Strategic Dough Initiative, or "Snack Wars" defense. The administration has voiced concerns that Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein is developing weapons of mass destruction, but shouldn't the concern now be that he's developing high cholesterol snacks?

Considering how foreigners have been rounded up in the aftermath of the attacks, the F.B.I. might have to start rounding up such threatening characters as Mr. Peanut, The Big Fig Newton, and those truly frightening M&M creatures.

Had the Commander-in-Chief choked to death, it would have become the nation's most ignominious presidential death, surpassing that of William Henry Harrison, who's lengthy inauguration speech caused him to catch pneumonia, from which he died a month later.

This not the first time that a President George Bush has passed out. Many of you may recall that the current president's father passed out after throwing up on the Japanese Prime minister at a dinner in Tokyo in 1992. No doubt, the elder Bush being the consummate gentleman and experienced diplomat told his Japanese counterpart "You must come to Washington and throw up on me sometime."

Of course had the elder Bush kept his wits about him, in an effort to save face he could have told the Japanese Prime Minister that in America, throwing up on someone is considered a sign of great respect.

Political pundits have noted that the current president has gone to great lengths to avoid making the same mistakes as his father. For example he has made it a point to focus on the economy, placate the right wing of his party, and not throw up on foreign dignitaries.

When informed that most Americans feel that since September 11 he has passed muster, the President allegedly replied that he prefers ketchup.