DanMargarita.com

Larry Bird was one of the greatest basketball players of all time, but there were nights when he just didn't have it. Still, on any game night he gave whatever he could.

The reason I bring this up is because of the lack of professionalism that we've seen recently among of all people, professionals.

The first instance is the sacking of two America West pilots who were going to fly a plane after having had a few drinks. As a general rule of thumb, I think that the first stop for the beverage cart should not be the cockpit.

This was the second such incident in recent memory, with a Northwest pilot having been fired last year for failing a Breathalyzer test. This was not the first time Northwest has had such a problem. In 1990 three of their pilots were fired for excessive drinking. Apparently there's something about having the word "west" in an airline name that makes flight personnel want to imbibe.

According to the Washington Post, the F.A.A. randomly performs drug and alcohol tests on pilots and flight attendants. Flight attendants? Frankly, I don't care if they freebase while handing me my bag of salted nuts. It's the people flying the plane that I'm more concerned with. I'm less concerned with the flight attendant's mental state than that of the guy handing me my Dunkin' Donuts coffee.

Some might argue that the flight attendants must be sober in case of an emergency, but if the emergency is plummeting 30,000 feet, It really doesn't matter if they're intoxicated. In fact, I'd want to join them.

There are certain things one should not do while intoxicated. Here's a brief list:

1. Perform surgery.
2. Fly a plane.
3. Get married.
4. Drive a car.
5. Stay married.

The other incident showing a lack of professionalism involves Dr. David Arndt, who left a patient on the operating table while he went to the bank to cash a check. Dr. Arndt's excuse was that he had to cash the check because he had a lot of overdue bills to pay. If that were true, was he planning on paying them in cash? Hasn't he ever heard of an ATM?

If Dr. Arndt had sent out checks that night, he still would've had time to get to the bank in the morning to deposit money before any checks he sent out with bills could be received and cashed.

There are some professions where it doesn't matter how you operate, or what kind of condition you're in as long as you get the job done. For example, as I sit here writing this, I am stark naked.

Not really, but my point is that for all you know I could be, but it wouldn't matter as long as I fulfilled my obligation to write a column.

If you'll excuse me a minute, I've got to go clean up the dog doo out back.

There, I walked away from my job and it didn't affect a thing, except to hopefully erase from your mind the image of me naked, pounding away at my computer keyboard. This is the kind of job in which I can do that.

Fortunately nothing happened to Dr. Arndt's patient, just as nothing happened to this column while I was away from it.

There is one big difference, however. My column is not going to sue me.