DanMargarita.com

Since last Wednesday eight people have been senselessly gunned down in the Md./ D.C. area. The most recent, as of this writing, being a 13 year-old who had just been dropped off at school.

So far police seem baffled as to whom the perpetrator is, with Police Chief Charles Moose stating during a press conference that when the individual shot a child he or she was "stepping over the line."

Is this officer trying to say that it's reasonable to shoot an adult?

He added that "it's getting to be really, really personal now."

I guess up until then the previous shootings were just "business as usual."

No mention was made if Chief Moose was going to call in Inspector Jughead or if Archie and Veronica were suspects. Although since the only clue authorities have to go on is a white van, Shaggy and Scooby must also be considered suspects. (Thanks to Tom Kelley for the "Archie" bit.)

Authorities aren't sure if the most recent shooting was a possible "copycat" crime. Great, just what we needed; a psychopath with a lack of originality. Was there some wacko out there looking to commit a crime, but just couldn't come up with something on his own?

Law enforcement officials haven't been very reassuring. They seemed to keep repeating the mantra "Be alert, but continue with your daily life."

In other words, watch out but continue to be a moving target. The people shot were all going about their daily lives when hit. That's what got them killed. One was mowing the lawn, and another was pumping gas. How much more mundane can you get than that?

It seems to me that this is one time when hiding under the covers is legitimately the best form of self defense.

News channels are reporting that an FBI profiler has been brought in to assist in the investigation. No, that's not someone who looks at people from the side, but someone who can give a look into the mind of the killer to try and help determine who it is. In the spirit of civic mindedness, I'd like to offer my profile on the perpetrator. The killer is probably SOME LUNATIC THAT LIKES TO SHOOT PEOPLE. Of course, that's just an amateur's opinion.

On CNN I saw an interview with someone identified as a "geographical profiler." This man explained how they could locate the killer by figuring that he probably lives in the center of the area that the killer has struck. Of course if the killer watches CNN he's probably going to either move, or change his M.O. which means that folks living in the neighboring counties are now in mortal danger, thanks to CNN.

An understandably frightened community went into hyper security mode. The children were in "lock-down" in their schools. As if being stuck in Chemistry class for forty five minutes wasn't bad enough, being stuck in there all day with the doors locked is a student's nightmare. On the other hand, it beats being shot.

Authorities from all law enforcement agencies have been brought in to help. Recruits from the Police Academy have been brought in to search the area. If that doesn't prove sufficient, I assume they'll bring in the cast of Police Academy III and Porky?s Revenge as well.

If anyone wants me, I'll be hiding under my covers.