DanMargarita.com

These people are paid millions every year, for the major achievement of having been born. If you think the current bunch is a little bizarre, consider King George III whose bouts with mental illness saw him allegedly roaming Buckingham Palace, howling like a wolf. Poor George suffered from a hereditary disease which caused him to be a slow learner (he didn't learn to read until he was eleven), gave him severe stomach pains, caused a purple-ish discoloration on his urine, eventual insanity and blindness. That wouldn't exactly make for a good campaign resume if you were running for office today, but remember, this illness is in the Royal Family genes.

George and Martha Washington never had children of their own, but all of this makes me wonder what life would be like today if he'd had kids and become a monarch and his descendants were as flaky as some of the British Royals have been.

Let's go now to Washington D.K. (District of Kingship), 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The location is the Rectangular Office of The White Castle. King George XXXIII is lying on the couch watching "Yogi Bear." A servant enters.

Servant:
Your Highness, Vice King Cheney wishes to see you.

George:
Oh, alright. Send him in.

(Cheney enters)
Cheney:
Your Highness, you have a press conference in five minutes.

George:
I don't wanna go.

Cheney:
Sir, you have to. There?s a whole room of reporters waiting for you.

George:
(Sighs) Alright, let's go. (Gets off the couch, starts for the door)

Cheney:
Your Highness, may I suggest you put on some pants.
(Cut to the press room. King George enters)

George:
Good afternoon. As always, why don't we start with a question from Helen Thomas.

Helen:
Your Highness, your great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, the first King George supposedly never told a lie. Can you say the same thing?

George:
Yes. My great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather the first King George supposedly never told a lie. Next? Sam Donaldson.

Sam:
Your Highness, Saddam Hussein has said he'll let inspectors into the country. Do you have faith that this group of inspectors will be able to do the job?

George:
Yes, because I'm sending Inspector Clouseau.

Sam:
Sir, there is no Inspector Clouseau. He was just a character in a movie.

George:
Off with your head!

Cheney: (whispering to George)
Your Highness, Parliament took away the King's right to have someone's head in 1822.

George:
Next question goes to Cokie Roberts. Hey, you got any?

Cokie:
That's not how I got my nickname, your Highness. Sir, your daughters, Princess Barbara and Princess Jenna have been seen in nightclubs drinking with Prince William. Considering your own problems with alcohol, have you spoken to your daughters about their behavior?

George:
I have. I've explained to them that you don't need alcohol to have fun. For example, just yesterday, for laughs I called up Vice King Cheney and asked him if he had Prince Albert in a can. Wolf Blitzer.

Wolf:
Your Highness, have you heard Osama bin Laden's latest tape?

George:
I have heard it. I downloaded it off the Internet. I got his last twelve tapes for only a penny, but now I don't have to since I got a CD burner. We've got time for one last question. Candy Crowley.

Candy:
Your highness, the economy is in trouble and your subjects are getting nervous. What do you plan to do the stimulate the economy?

George:
That's an issue I really want to sink my into, but I probably won't since I have a history of wooden teeth in my family. The main thing we need is tax cuts for the rich, so tomorrow I'm going to send a bill to parliament to have my taxes lowered. Hey, it's great to be king. Thank you all for coming.

Maybe British tax money is well spent after all, considering the entertainment value the rest of the world gets from them.