DanMargarita.com

A couple from New Mexico visiting New York have been hospitalized with the Bubonic Plague, but residents from New Jersey and New Hampshire can cease worrying that the disease is specifically targeting states that contain the word "New."

The disease which was once all the rage in Europe, is caused by the bacteria Yersinia pestis and is transmitted from rats to fleas. When fleas run out of rodent hosts, they turn to man. The solution to this problem is obvious. We need more rats!

There are three stages of the disease.

Bubonic plague---The most common form is characterized by swollen lymph nodes, or "buboes." This is one instance when one probably doesn't want to brag about having large buboes. The victim suffers from chills, fever, vomiting, diarrhea, and then thankfully, death. Dried blood under the skin turns black giving the name "The Black Death" which sounds like the name of one of Ozzy Osbourne's albums. It is not considered contagious (the disease, not Ozzy Osbourne's albums).

Pneumonic plague---The bacteria infects the lungs and it is highly contagious, particularly being transmitted by sneezing. This might change the commonly heard phrase from "God bless you" to "God help me."

Septicemic plague or "The plague that no one ever lived long enough to catch in the Middle Ages"---Bacteria overwhelm the bloodstream and death can occur within twenty four hours, before the victim even shows symptoms, so one minute you might be counting your future daughter's dowry and the next minute be dead.

(I can only imagine that somewhere some government agent monitoring all internet traffic is looking at my searches for "The Plague," "The Bubonic Plague" and "The Black Death" with great alarm.)

Antibiotics can now cure the plague when caught early enough, although I've always been "pro" biotic, but in the middle ages such medicines were not available.

One attempt to halt the disease was made by the Flagellant Brahren, who believing the epidemic to be brought on as punishment for man's sins, began a public repentance tour of Europe by singing hymns, sobbing and beating themselves with whips studded with iron spikes, preceding the aforementioned Ozzy Osbourne by some 600 years. This ritual was performed in public twice a day, although the second performance required a two drink minimum.

The healthy abandoned the sick, the sick were left for dead and the dead didn't do much of anything.

Property owners abandon their land after having collected first and last month's rent. Doctors refuse the treat the infected giving birth to the phrase "I don't make house calls."

It is estimated that over a third of the European population was wiped out by the plague with the remaining two thirds left cowering under the covers.

Hopefully the medicines we have today will continue to keep the disease in check. Otherwise it'll kind of make you long for a good ol' fashioned locust infestation.