DanMargarita.com

Think about it. He was constantly lighting fuses, setting traps and dealing with explosives. Of course no one ever took him seriously due in part to a combination of his own ineptitude and the ineffectiveness of the products that he got from the Acme Co., not to mention the fact that he was a cartoon character. Did he ever consider using another company's products? If he had used say, Black & Decker products, we would have seen the Road Runner's brains splattered all over the American Southwest.

Mr. Coyote made a career of attempting to catch the Road Runner for the purpose of consuming him for dinner, when in fact there certainly must have been other, more easily obtainable sources of nutrition available. This single-minded pursuit shows Mr. Coyote to be obsessive-compulsive, the same mindset that we often see from so-called professional terrorists.

The key distinction being that Mr. Coyote's goal is dinner, and not a political statement. The injuries that Mr. Coyote suffers are unintentional and never do harm to Mr. Road Runner. The Coyote has yet to intentionally sacrifice himself in order to kill the Road Runner, thus he cannot be labeled a "suicide coyote."

The Coyote seems to deal in more archaic weapons than today's terrorist might have access to, but we should probably worry that he might try to get his hands on weapons of mass destruction. After all we're constantly getting news reports that terrorists are seeking to possess small pox, anthrax, plutonium and even something called a "dirty" bomb, which sounds like it may explode and rain pornography over the populace.

Since we now live with the threat of terror on a daily basis, the Department of Homeland Security has instituted a warning system, the color-coded terror alert system designed to inform the American public as to how serious the threat of terror might be on any given day. The levels are:

Green---This means "go" as in "go about your normal life."

Blue---This means "We're sad that we even have to have a color-coded alert system."

Yellow---When you combine the yellow alert with the "blue" alert, it makes a "green" alert so you can relax again.

Orange---Orange you glad you paid attention to this?

Red---The most serious alert, red means you might as well spend whatever cash you have on you, because you're toast.

The Attorney General has told us all to be alert, and that we must watch out for something, somewhere, sometime. Knowing the threat from Wile E. Coyote, I'll give you a more specific idea of what to watch out for:

1. Anvils precariously perched in high places.
2. Bowling balls with lit fuses attached.
3. Individuals on roller skates with rockets strapped to their feet.
4. Individuals with giant springs attached to their feet.
5. Individuals with giant feet.
6. Packages from the Acme Co.

Since 9-11 Congress has passed stringent new laws to deal with the terrorist threats, so you may turn on the evening news one night and see a hooded Wile E. Coyote kneeling in a cage on Guantanamo Bay, shackled and manacled from behind.

There are a lot of dangerous people out there, and if weapons of mass destruction get into the wrong hands, we can all say "Th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-that's all folks!"