DanMargarita.com

United Airlines has filed for bankruptcy and now there is the rumor that the Catholic Church is considering doing the same. Perhaps the normal course of action can be reversed and the Catholic Church can file for Chapter 11 and United Airlines can say fifty Hail Mary's.

Considering the size of the national debt, I couldn't help but wonder what the U.S. Government would do if they operated as a business. I suppose that like so many businesses the top corporate executives would make tens of millions of dollars while the rest of us go broke. Wait a minute, that's what is happening! They would probably have to file for bankruptcy and sell off their assets to pay off their creditors. Thus I have tried to imagine what a government bankruptcy sale would look like, and so here it is:

FOR SALE

1. One large white house, location 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. 278 rooms and 46 1/2 baths. Ideal for large families, and families with large political contributors. Features extensive home security devices including landmines and machine gun turrets. Conveniently located near a park.

2. The Capitol building--- Perhaps best known as the model for the Capitol Records logo, this large facility features a high, domed roof with fantastic acoustics. Ideal for recording artists and trampoline enthusiasts.

3. The Washington Monument--- Granted, as a functional building, this phallic-symbol building is limited to mainly being an observation tower, but is always a great conversation piece.

4. The Lincoln Memorial--- This large statue of a former president is perfect for the backyard garden. It can be altered to have President Lincoln spitting water for a fountain, or like the popular cherubic fountains, have the Great Emancipator emanating water from another area.

5. The U.S. Congress--- Sorry, this body of legislators has been off the market for some time. Once owned by the American people, this assembly of legislators has long been owned by special interest groups such as The National Rifle Association and big business interests.

6. The Library of Congress--- With it's numerous book shelves, this building can be easily converted into a video store.

7. The Supreme Court--- This group of seven men and two women are solemn, conservative and dress in long black robes---perfect for any cult looking for new recruits. As for the facility, it features a large room with several benches for mass seating and one long, high bench overlooking the room. This is ideal for anyone looking to stage puppet shows.

8. The U.S. Military--- Kids love to play army, so why not get them the real thing? Think of the hours of entertainment your children will get mobilizing an entire division of soldiers and attacking neighboring kids. Ownership includes access to chemical and biological weapons as well as the anti-dotes to said weapons.

9. The Federal Bureau of Investigation--- This law enforcement agency is perfect for the suspicious married individual, wishing to check up on a spouse. Original owner was a cross-dressing egomaniac willing to ruin innocent lives on a whim. Bureau believed to possess files containing information regarding visits from aliens seeking to colonize the planet (see: X Files).

There you have it. I wonder if they'll take a check?