DanMargarita.com

It must sound like a drunken barroom conversation.

"Who do you think can pull a DC-10 across a field faster, an elephant or 44 little people? Wait, I gotta go throw up."

Some of the other competitions include hot dog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi attempting to out-eat a Kodiak bear. Fortunately the bear was caged or he would've been eating the hot dog eating champion.

There was a sumo wrestler having a tug-of-war with an orangutan. They didn't humiliate the orangutan by making him wear one of those sumo diapers.

What happens when a world class sprinter races a giraffe? Does anybody care?

Let's not forget the obstacle course race between an armed forces member and a chimpanzee. Given a good performance the chimp may end up commanding a battalion in Iraq.

Of course the airlines have been struggling for a while. Since they're not flying as many routes, I guess one way for them to make money is to rent their planes out for dwarf pulling.

Reality shows are all the rage. A constant theme for many of them is fixing people up. Such shows as The Bachelor, The Bachelorette and Joe Millionaire have garnered high ratings. The latter is a show that involves a lot of good-looking people, where in the end nobody looks good.

There's only one place where the networks can go now. They should combine the Man Versus Beast format with the dating shows. I can see it now, the next reality show: The Mating Game.

HOST: Hi everyone I'm Jim Lang and welcome to The Mating Game. Let's meet our bachelors first. Bachelor number one likes to shed his skin every couple of months and can unlock his jaw to swallow a rodent whole. Please welcome Pat Python.

Bachelor number two's feathers are often used for dusting and when he gets frightened, he hides his head in the sand. Please welcome Oswald Ostrich.

Bachelor number three once worked as a test subject in a laboratory and likes to use grass stems to fish for termites. Please welcome Charles the Chimp.

Now it's time to bring out our lovely bachelorette. She?s an actress who's studying to be a waitress, likes to dance and considers herself to be really shallow. Please welcome Mandy Kane. Hi Mandy, how are you?

MANDY: Just super, Jim.

HOST: Well you know how it goes. You get to question our bachelors and then select the one you want to go on a date with.

MANDY: Bachelor number one. I like dating dangerous types. Would you consider yourself dangerous?

SNAKE: Hisssssssss.

MANDY: Ooh, you are. Bachelor number two, if we were threatened on our date, what would you do?

OSTRICH: Aaaaarrrrrkkkkk.(Hides his head)

MANDY: I see. Bachelor number three, do you think you could show a girl a good time?

CHIMP: Ooohh oohh, aahhh aahhh.

MANDY: Well Jim, I think I know all I need to know. I choose bachelor number three.

HOST: Very well, Don Pardo, why don't you tell our guests what they've won.

DON PARDO: Jim, our guests will be whisked away in a limousine provided by Vinny's Limos. Then they'll hop on board a jet where they'll fly to Cancun where they'll sit on the beach and drink Margaritas and pick bugs off each other.

HOST: That's all for today folks. We'll see you next time on The Mating Game.

This may sound outlandish, but I don't think it's all that far off. I'd better copyright this idea before Fox sees it.