DanMargarita.com

Certainly when contrasted with Washington and Lincoln, bin Laden appears to be at the other end of the humanity spectrum, a sort of "Evil Capt. Kirk" to our first and sixteenth president's "Good Capt. Kirk."

The man whom authorities can't seem to locate, even though he's put out more tapes than Brittany Spears, appears to be trying to keep his name in the public's consciousness. He almost seems like Gloria Swanson's faded, aging movie starlet, desperate to make a comeback in the film "Sunset Boulevard."

When Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first recording in history by uttering the words "Mary had a little lamb," he likely never envisioned that his invention would someday be used to call for a "holy war." If he had, perhaps that original scratchy tinfoil recording would have the voice of Edison saying "Death to the Great Satan."

Unfortunately for bin Laden his recent tapes came out too late to qualify him for this year's Grammy's because I think he would've been a shoo-in to win the "Best threatening message by a religious fanatic" category.

Still, no doubt these tapes are popular in certain corners of the globe.

Much the way Slim Whitman sold millions or records through his TV commercials, Al Jazeera may be running ads for "The Best of bin Laden" tapes this very minute. It worked for Slim Whitman. He sold more records than Elvis Presley or the Beatles, the ad claimed. He probably worked in a record store.

Frankly, I think the CD versions have better sound quality.

If bin Laden wants to widen his appeal there's another trend he could follow. Several years ago Natalie Cole recorded a version of her legendary late father Nat King Cole's "Unforgettable" and mixed it with her dad's version and scored a big commercial success. Frank Sinatra had a posthumously released duets CD and now Barbra Streisand has released hew own duets CD, singing with artists both living and dead.

I can hear the ad now.

"K-Tel records presents Osama bin Laden like you've never seen him before. The master of terror has joined up with some of history's greatest madmen to give the world the ultimate record of hate. 'The Evildoer Duets' CD pairs Osama with some of history's greatest madmen.

Here's Osama with Benito Mussolini:
Mussolini: 'Our myth is the Nation, our myth is the greatness of the Nation!'
Osama: 'The Nation.'

Listen to Osama with Pol Pot.
Pol Pot: 'Kill them all'
Osama: 'Them all'

And who could forget the 'Queen of Mean' herself, Leona Helmsley.
Leona: 'Only the little people pay taxes.'
Osama: 'Pay taxes.'

Of course no collection of evil would be complete without the master of evil himself, Adolph Hitler.
Hitler: 'Morality is stupidity or decadence.'
Osama: 'Stupidity or decadence'"

Unlike the Gloria Swanson character in 'Sunset Boulevard," bin Laden's comeback could prove successful. A frightening thought, indeed.

He?s ready for his close-up, Mr. Bush.