DanMargarita.com

Dee de-dee de-dee de-dee....

Stewart is on the verge of being “sent up the river” due to her alleged insider trading. Clinton was investigated for her work at Rose Law Firm that ironically, involved the Madison Guaranty Savings and Loan. It could only be more ironic if her work had involved the Unger Savings and Loan.

As for who would be who, I think that’s pretty easy to figure out. Martha would be the neat Felix Unger character, what with her constant cooking, cleaning and her remarkable ability to turn worthless household items into a useful tool. This would come in handy when she turns a bar of soap into a “shank.”

Actually, John Dillinger was years ahead of her when he escaped from jail by shaving a bar of soap into the shape of a gun and covering it with black shoe polish.

No doubt that Hillary would be the sloppy Oscar Madison, always making a mess by leaving Rose Law Firm billing records lying around.

I can see the two of them now. Hillary lying on her bunk with her N.Y. Yankees hat reading the Wall St. Journal and Martha in her neatly pressed prison denim shirt, dusting away.

Hillary’s bunk would have the blankets constantly disheveled while you could bounce a quarter off of Martha’s bunk.

Of course, they should be entitled to all the same privileges that all the other prisoners get. Hillary should be allowed her conjugal visits with her husband Bill. He might have to explain to her however, why he’s always “accidentally” winding up in the wrong cell.

“I feel your pain.”

If they were sent to Attica State Prison, this would be convenient for Bill who would only have to drive a couple of hours across the state to visit from Chappaqua.

Naturally their time spent during the exercise period would be vastly different. Hillary, who years ago showed a curious ability to make $100,000 on a $1,000 investment, would probably be hustling some of the other inmates in a poker game, while Martha would be off by herself in a corner doing isometrics.

Their escape attempts would differ. Martha would try to bribe the guards with a chocolate mousse desert topped with whipped cream and a cherry. Hillary would try to bribe some officials to get a pardon.

Perhaps they would get some outside help. Each of them might have someone bring a cake with a file in it. Martha would probably send it back to cook another five minutes and Hillary would claim she doesn’t know where the file is.

In another twenty years the two of them would be perfect to be cast in another Walter Matthau-Jack Lemmon related movie parody---“Grumpy Old Women.”