DanMargarita.com

Among the usual rituals, one was the constant stream of information we received about the founding of the country. I have to admit that there was one bit of info that I learned which surprised me. The pseudo-anthem "America the Beautiful" was written by Kathy Bates. Yup, you read that right.

OK, it wasn't written by the Academy Award winning actress, but by a woman named Katherine Lee Bates. Still, she might have been known to some of her friends as Kathy Bates.

Among other things, Miss Bates was a professor at Wellesley College and lived in Falmouth, Mass. and penned the original version in 1893. She re-wrote it in 1904 and produced her final version in 1913. Perhaps this is where Eric Clapton got the idea to keep remaking his old hits.

You probably also didn't know that there are eight verses to it. Don't feel badly if you don't know them. It's kind of like the second line of the Christmas carol "Good King Wenceslas." Everybody sings "Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Stephan" and then starts mumbling the rest, hoping that everyone else knows the song.

Kathy Bates (the actress) first gained wide acclaim in her Oscar winning role as "Annie" in the movie "Misery." In the film she plays a nurse who rescues a famous novelist from a car crash. To the novelist's horror, she holds him hostage and torments him until he rewrites a novel to her liking (please don't get any ideas, people).

I couldn't help make a connection between the two Kathy Bates' here. What if such a person had existed in 1776 and was a devoted fan of that American man of letters, the author of the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson?

The scene is winter. It's snowing and Jefferson is taking a carriage ride to Philadelphia to begin work on the historical document. The snow is blinding and while trying to negotiate a turn, Jefferson's carriage loses a wheel and overturns.

Awakening from a deep slumber, he sees the person of Kathy Bates standing over him. Feeling intense pain throughout his body, he inquires as to how he got there. Kathy explains the accident and then gushes to Mr. Jefferson that she's a big fan of his.

"I just loved the Virginia Constitution that you wrote."

"Thanks" replied the Founding Father.

"What are you working on now?" asks his nursemaid.

"I was heading to Philadelphia. We're going to write a Declaration of Independence from Great Britain" explained Jefferson.

Kathy grew uneasy. She had long been a Tory supporter.

"That's not how you're going to write it" she menacingly informed him.

A cold shiver ran down Jefferson's spine.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I'm against independence. You're going to change it to a Declaration of Dependence" she informed him.

Jefferson resisted. Kathy knew she had her work cut out for her. She took a small wooden board and placed it between the bed-ridden man's feet.

"Kathy, whatever you're planning on doing, please don't" Jefferson begged.

Unfortunately, I haven't seen the movie and that's all I know from the trailers so I'm at a loss as to where to go from here. Perhaps I could make a Sally Hemmings reference? Fortunately, I don't have as disturbed a mind as Stephen King so I can't imagine what happens next...which should be a great relief to the people around me.