DanMargarita.com

People often ask me where I get the ideas for my columns. I tell them that all I have to do is pick up a newspaper. Long before I came along, the great humorist Will Rogers said "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." At least in this case, California.

The current occupant of that position, Gray Davis, is in jeopardy of losing that job due to a recall effort financed by Republican Darrell Issa, a man once charged with felony auto theft who went on to make a fortune developing the car alarm. Well, I guess it takes a thief to catch a thief.

The state has been beleaguered by financial problems the last few years brought on initially in part by the Enron inspired energy crisis (boy, deregulation continues to work out well in every industry, doesn't it?) as well as the general downturn in the economy.

As a result, Californians will be asked to decide if they should boot Davis from office and if so, to choose a replacement for him. You wouldn't believe the choices if you didn't read them in the newspapers. Folks, I'm not imaginative enough to make up this list of candidates. There are well over 100 people filing papers to fill the seat. The ones mentioned here are perhaps the most notable. Frightenening...

The leading candidate, which if you haven't been living on a deserted island, is actor Arnold Schwarzenegger (my spell-check just had a nervous breakdown). Arnold, like everyone, has his share of baggage. His physique as a young man probably wasn't the result of just eating Wheaties and his father was a Nazi. In Hollywood those are lesser sins than having a bad opening weekend at the box office for your film.

Then there's the watermelon-smashing comedian, Gallagher. Well, the state's already a financial mess. Might as well make it a sticky one.

Among the other choices is former child actor Gary Coleman, from the TV show "Diff'rent Strokes." Of course sound bites and one-liners pop up in every political debate, if they have one. How much do you want to bet that at some point Coleman will respond to Arnold with "What 'choo talkin' 'bout, Arnold?" I guess governor would be a good career move for Coleman who at one point had been working as a security guard.

Next, let's move on to pornographer Larry Flynt. The man publishes "Hustler Magazine," which features raunchy photos of naked people performing all sorts of sex acts... at least that's what I've heard.

Politics seems to attract a lot of people from the porn industry (by the way, when did "porno" become "porn?"). A 22-year- old porn actress has thrown her hat, as well as her garter, bra and panties into the ring.

Candidate/actress Mary Carey has a unique fiscal plan. She claims they can eliminate the deficit by imposing a tax on breast implants. Yes, in California that really could cut the deficit. She also has a plan to swap guns for x-rated movies to reduce violence. I'm not sure of Ms. Carey's party affiliation. I'm guessing either socialist or social diseaseist.

Politics can get very nasty. Opponents will try to dig up dirt on each other to publicly humiliate the other person. What can you possibly dig up on a porn star that would embarrass her? That she fakes it?

Gray Davis might be a lousy governor, but he shouldn't be blamed for an economic slowdown that was at least partly caused by energy industry types that are associated with the opposing party. The voters of California should vote no to this "re-write."

As for me, I harbor no political ambitions.

I just want to direct.