DanMargarita.com

The Boston Herald and several other news outlets reported that the descendants of cannibals in a remote Fijian community publicly apologized to the descendants of a British missionary who was killed and eaten there in 1867. They didn't relate the specifics of the conversation, but I imagine it was something more than "Sorry we ate your ancestors." I supposed they could've tried some left-handed compliment such as "He was delicious."

The Rev. Thomas Baker and eight (appropriately) Fijian followers were killed and eaten by cannibals in the village of Nabutautau and villagers have believed that their community has been cursed ever since. And to think that they're probably not even Red Sox fans and have likely never heard of "The Curse of the Bambino." So when's the last time THEY won a World Series?

Tribal legend has it that Rev. Baker lent the chief a comb and then tried to retrieve it when it became tangled in the chief's hair. In the process Baker inadvertently touched the chief's head not knowing that such an act was taboo and punishable by death. There may have been a possible monetary fine as well.

Cannibalism was outlawed in the late 19th century which ended with the introduction of Christianity (and perhaps clergy sexual abuse as well), according to the Washington Times/UPI. The Times also states that Baker was the last white man the villagers ate, not specifying whether they found white men too inedible or too scarce for future meals.

Accounts from a village member who participated in the feast of Baker is quoted as saying "We ate everything but his boots" which the villagers apparently boiled but simply found to difficult for consumption (boots must always be sauteed for tenderness).

Villagers believe that Baker or disapproving gods have punished them by seeing that modern amenities such as electricity and piped water have passed them by. Fortunately, the villagers remain blissfully unaware that they've also missed disco, leisure suits and The Jerry Springer Show.

Reuters says that children have to walk 15 miles to and from school everyday, albeit not through six feet of snow as our parents and grandparents had to.

Relatives of Baker met with villagers and were given 100 sperm whale teeth, or tabua, as a reconciliation gesture as well as to show how sophisticated the villagers have become.

The Herald has a photo of current village chief Ratu Filimoni Mawawabalavu leaning over to give a kiss to Baker descendant Les Lester, who frankly, looks a little timid. It's bad enough to have had your ancestors eaten, but it's no picnic going through life with a name like "Lester Lester."

After the ceremony, some of Baker's kin sat down (nervously) with the villagers for a feast. None of the news reports specified what the meal was, but since the village doesn't have electricity, it probably wasn't leftovers.

"This is our third apology but, unlike the other two, this one of being offered physically to the family of Mr. Baker" said Mawawabalavu. Apparently, the previous two mental apologies were unsuccessful.

The villagers understandably want the essentials that modernization has to bring. Hopefully they'll take advantage of some of the more trivial aspects of 21st century life.

They can start by getting "The Food Channel."