DanMargarita.com

America woke up on Sunday to discover that former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein had been captured by U.S. forces. Well, that's one cure for a hangover.

The deposed dictator was discovered hiding in a small hole in the ground that had a bed as well as an air vent built into it, located perhaps, just off the "weapons of mass destruction" room. In his possession was $750,000 in U.S. cash, which he apparently opted to take into hiding instead of what was behind the curtain that Carol Merrill was standing in front of.

Since his capture, news outlets have been constantly replaying a video of Saddam, looking as though he were headed to a Grateful Dead concert, being examined by an army doctor for lice like a gorilla in the wild. No doubt that the U.S. government enjoyed humiliating Hussein with shots of him "opening wide" for the doctor, but decided not to embarrass him too much by releasing video of his prostate exam.

Gleeful Iraqi's celebrated in the streets by dancing, waving flags and shooting guns into the air. One person who may not have been so gleeful was the guy driving the fuel truck a few blocks away whose truck exploded when struck by a stray bullet (true). After the celebrations are over, Iraqi's are expected to gleefully resume attacks on U.S. soldiers.

Saddam had allegedly been turned in by a cousin living nearby, although it was unclear if the cousin would get the $25 million reward that the U.S. had put up for information leading to Saddam's capture. Nor is it clear if Saddam will get the $25 million for announcing "My name is Saddam Hussein" to U.S. soldiers upon his discovery, thus turning himself in. He then added "I am the president of Iraq, and I want to negotiate," which is like trying to sell your house while standing in front of its burned out shell. I remember attempting a similar negotiating tactic in elementary school while the school bully was beating me to a pulp.

Now the issue becomes what to do with him. Despite his scruffy look, you probably won't see him by the side of the road with a sign that reads "Will oppress for food." Exactly where he'll be tried remains to be seen, but since the Americans captured him, he ought to be hauled in front of Judge Judy. Although if he gets O.J. Simpson's "Dream Team" lawyers he just might get off.

Some Iraqi supporters of Hussein expressed disappointment that the dictator did not go down with guns-a-blazin' as he promised or that he didn't end his own life rather than surrender. I suspect that more than cowardice or survival instincts, he may have felt that he had someone looking over him...other than the U.S. soldier with an automatic weapon, I mean.

At a press briefing later, Major General Raymond Ordierno declared that Hussein was caught "like a rat" in his underground lair. Odierno didn't specify if he was referring to a "lab" rat, in which case Hussein might be used in medical experiments.

The underground hideout sat on the other side of the river, within sight of one of his former palaces. His capture means that Iraqi's can finally relax and not worry that Saddam might be "playing the palace" again someday.

In the end it proved to be "the mother of all surrenders."