DanMargarita.com

By now you've all seen the photos of the president carrying a turkey while visiting U.S. troops in Iraq on Thanksgiving. What you may or may not have heard is that it turns out that the bird that Bush was photographed carrying, apparently was a fake or "decoration" turkey, as the White House is calling it. Military sources told reporters that a decorative turkey is a standard feature of holiday chow lines. I'm sure there's nothing that soldiers like better after months of having been a sitting duck (pardon the pun) than to get in line and drool over a delicious looking bird only to be told that it's made of plastic. Ha-ha.

It seemed appropriate to me that Bush was carrying a turkey double while visiting a country whose leader is known to have a number of doubles or "doppelgangers," if you will. Then it hit me. What if it really wasn't George W. Bush? Could it have been a double?

I presume that George W. Bush would've learned from his stint in the National Guard when he went AWOL for the last several months. If you're going to be president, you've got to show up unless you've got someone available to replace you.

After all, the man who made headlines for landing on an aircraft carrier and then swaggering around on deck with a helmet and flight suit would probably not skulk into Baghdad under the cover of darkness, visit some troops in an airplane hanger for a couple of hours and sneak out without everyone knowing about it ahead of time. That's not exactly a "Top Gun" moment.

A Bush double would explain a lot of things. Would the leader of the most powerful military in the history of the world really not know how to pronounce the word "nuclear?" If you haven't heard him, Bush... or whoever he is, says "NU-CU-LER."

Would the real President of the United States do something as bone-headed as challenging guerilla fighters by saying "Bring 'em on!?"

The idea of a double is nothing new. At the end of The Beatles career, word got around that Paul McCartney was in fact dead and had been replaced by a double. Fans began searching songs and album covers for clues. It's time to unravel this Bush mystery the same way.

A review of the president's 2002 State of the Union Address provides some startling clues. When you play a tape of the phrase "axis of evil" backwards it says "live fo sixa," which in Latin means "live for sex." A President of the United States would never publicly state that.

In reference to Iraq the president says "This is a regime that has something to hide from the civilized world." Yes, and so far that something has been Sadaam Hussein.

During an applause break Vice President Dick Cheney can be seen with his hand over Bush's head. In Upper Volta that is considered a sign of death.

At one point he calls Ted Kennedy his friend. Who are we kidding? If he said that at the Republican National Convention, a trap door would open up beneath his feet.

On the other hand, perhaps I'm being overly suspicious. In Iraq, if you have the misfortune to resemble Sadaam Hussein, you have to become his double, which means that your job is to be the mistaken target for a bullet.

In America if you look like the president or someone famous, you can make a living by showing up at parties and impersonating them.

The latter seems pretty easy while the former is probably as tough as a plastic turkey.