DanMargarita.com

These are groups that are either nonpartisan or partisan organizations researching and advocating public policy. Though they are non -profit, the people working for them surely must get paid. They have overhead, so somebody has to be making money, right? So why not me?

If I'm going to think, I might as well get paid for it. Sure, I might do some thinking on my own time, but I would save my best thinking for the job. Historically, thinking has not been a highly paid profession. All but a selective few have ever garnered more than a penny for their thoughts.

This brainstorm (pardon the pun) came to me as I realized that I've been thinking for most of my life, and if I can get paid for it, all the better. I don't recall what my first thought was, but it was probably something in the nature of "I just wet my diaper." Naturally, I don't expect anyone to pay me for that one.

Of course, there are times when we all do something extraordinarily stupid. This when we ask ourselves "What was I thinking?" The answer is that you weren't thinking, and this is how amateur thinkers get into trouble.

No one knows when humans first began thinking or what the first thought was, although "My relatives are much hairier than me" might have been up there, as well as "This saber-toothed tiger's catching up to me."

We know that thinking goes at least as far back the 19th Century French as evidenced by Auguste Rodin's famed statue "The Thinker." The sculpture features a naked man sitting on a stone or tree stump (which could cause a serious splinter problem) with his right elbow on his right leg leading to his chin resting on his hand. It's possible that the French, who invented nudity, did their much of their thinking in the nude.

I wanted to give this method a shot, so there I sat in a state of complete undress, attempting to think thoughts that might change the course of history. However, all I could come up with were "It's chilly in here," "When do the thoughts start happening?" and "What if mall security comes by?"

Man has often tried to find ways to augment his thinking ability. In the late '60's counter-culture, many young people experimented with mind-altering chemicals to enhance the thinking process. While some found a creative benefit (see: The Beatles, Sgt. Pepper album), others experienced frightening thoughts like "My toaster's trying to kill me."

Some people claim to have ESP, or "extra sensory perception" that gives them the ability to read other people's thoughts. This would seem to be a waste of ability if those with ESP only apply their talent to such trivial things as "You're thinking of the number seven." If such ability exists, it seems like it could be put to more productive use. They should station these people at airport security to see if anyone is thinking "I hope security doesn't check for the knife in my belt."

Of course, sometimes people's thoughts are quite obvious. The stripper giving the lap-dance to the drunken construction worker can probably guess what he is thinking.

It seems like it might be hard to find an opening, though. The "help wanted" section doesn't seem to have any "Thinkers wanted" ads.

With the outsourcing of American jobs and our increased reliance on technology to do things for us, thinking might one day become the only profession available.

At least, that's what I think.