DanMargarita.com

You may have seen commercials for Star Registry, which is an organization that will name a star after anyone for a fee. Exactly who or what gives them the right to do that, I don't know.

As for how many stars have been named after people or which stars in particular, I have no idea. One wonders how many lovers spent romantic summer evenings lying on the ground and looking up to gaze at Tucker Fredrickson.

Recently, NASA scientists discovered what they believe to be a new planet. The next logical step in our increasingly commercialized space program is to begin naming planets after people who are willing to pay up. This could make future science fiction films seem a little odd. Perhaps one day we'll see Star Trek's Capt. Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise standing on the bridge giving an order such as:"Commander Data, set a course for Richard Simmons."

If memory serves me, my science classes in school mentioned something to the effect that we currently reside on the planet Earth (and Mr. Dimmick thought I wasn't paying attention). One thing I don't recall being taught in school was who named this planet Earth and when (Eartha Kitt?).

If we are to get into naming planets for people, I want to claim dibs right now on planet Earth. Calling this planet Dan Margarita would change routine conversation.

"What on Dan Margarita are you talking about?"

Instead of Earth Day, environmentalists would celebrate Dan Margarita Day, a holiday that I've long been lobbying for.

Perhaps the 1970's R&B group Earth, Wind and Fire could become Dan Margarita, Wind and Fire.

While it's not exactly what I had conceived of my fantasy meeting with a certain actress, I wouldn't mind if one day someone winds up saying "They put Catherine Zeta Jones into the ground and covered her with Dan Margarita."

If for some reason I were unable to get this planet named after me, I would want my friends to be eligible to be named for our planet. Maybe parents will someday say to their kids: "You know, if you dig all the way through Rocco Zizza, you'll reach China."

Though it's much more conceivable that future, as of yet discovered planets would have a chance to be named after individuals. I'd get quite a chuckle to pick up a newspaper one morning to read: "Scientists believe that Tom Kelley may have once contained water."

It seems that whoever named our current planets was having a bit of fun. Why else would they choose to name a planet after one of Walt Disney's characters? I'm referring, of course, to Pluto. Then there's Mars, named after a candy bar, and didn't the person who named Uranus know that he would be getting chuckles from sixth graders all over the world?

It seems that Jupiter was named after the Greek God, Zeus. The planet-namer in charge of that was apparently unable to speak Greek.

Let's not forget Neptune, named after...I'll have to get back to you on that one. Last but not least, OK least, are Saturn and Mercury, the car and thermometer planets.

After reading this column I think some amateur astronomers may be looking for signs of intelligent life on Dan Margarita.