DanMargarita.com

The initial step in a trip to Fenway is of course, getting there. One can take the subway. The Green Line has long had a stop in Kenmore Square although with the construction of the out-of-place hotel and subway entrance construction, it is probably a nightmare. One can take the Orange Line to Ruggles Station and catch a free shuttle bus to Fenway, but after a recent rash of shootings and stabbings there, one might be hesitant to go that route. Private parking lots in the area are now an outrageous $30, begging the question "Who needs an MBA when all you need is a piece of open land near a ballpark to get rich?" Or one might do what I do...find a secret parking spot if you plan to go to a number of games. Or course I can't reveal the location of that secret parking spot because that would defeat the purpose, hence the term "secret."

Getting into the ballpark itself isn't a heck of a lot easier. Since 9-11 security has increased so that a fan now gets scanned with a metal detector and patted down before entering the ballpark. It's understandable that in the post-9-11era security precautions must be taken, but I can't help but feel that after being patted down, the security guard should at least buy me a drink.

Prior to entering on Yawkey Way, I got the pat-down treatment when the security guard noticed a solid object in my pocket (I'll take the high road here). I pulled out my Swiss Arm knife/key chain and was told that I couldn't bring it into Fenway. I explained that it was gift and that I had no intention of throwing it away and was informed that there was a place that I could check my key chain/knife, which contradicts the stated policy on the Red Sox website that "Fans will NOT be able to store any prohibited items, such as large bags, at Fenway Park."

Not feeling comfortable leaving this cherished gift in the hands of a stranger (not to mention my house and car keys) I simply tucked it in my sock and entered through another gate. Apparently, security personnel at Fenway have dismissed athletic socks as a potential location for contraband. Hopefully, suicide bombers aren't reading this column and getting the idea that if you want to get your vest laced with explosives into Fenway, you merely have to tuck it into your sock.

How serious a threat my Swiss Army knife posed remains a mystery. Besides its knife function it also has a corkscrew. I doubt that anyone has ever made demands while threatening to open a bottle of wine.

"I want $1,000,000 in unmarked bills and a helicopter or I swear, I'll open this bottle of merlot!"

Is there a realistic possibility that I could stab 35,000 people? Perhaps authorities feel that a creative terrorist could hijack the ballpark and fly it into the Prudential Tower.

I feel pretty secure in stating that no one has uttered the phrase "Take this ballpark to Cuba" or for that matter "If this ballpark goes above or below 50 m.p.h., it will explode."

Other rules are clearly stated on the team's website such as "Diaper bags are permissible only when the bearer is accompanied by an infant or child of appropriate age."

So what is an adult with a bladder control problem supposed to do? Depends.

Finally nestled in my seat, I got to watch Curt Schilling pitch a gem for a Red Sox victory. It seemed like only six months ago I was in this beautiful old ballpark. Oh yeah, I was in this beautiful old ballpark six months ago.

After the bullpen brawl with the Yankees last year, perhaps security should focus their scrutiny on the ballplayers themselves.

After all, I saw several of them armed with baseball bats.