DanMargarita.com

Restaurants in town might start to get nervous when they see me enter their establishment for lunch because it seems that the places I frequent have a habit of getting closed down by the Board of Health. The most recent example being J.J. Grimsby's which had to close after a waitress tested positive for hepatitis A. This of course, is one of those rare times when being a positive person isn't such a good thing.

According to the "hepatitis.about.com" website (whose weight loss offers involve non-dietary means), there several types of hepatitis including A, B, C, D, E, F and G (and sometimes "Y" used as a vowel). It would be just my luck that the first "A" I ever get would be for hepatitis. I guess someone with an hepatitis F just didn't study herd enough.

The website lists several symptoms of hepatitis such as:

Flu-like symptoms (Also often caused by the flu).
Clay colored stool (Why picking ugly furniture is a symptom, I have no idea).
Yellowing of the skin and eyes or jaundice (Apparently the entire cast of "The Simpsons" has hepatitis).
Dark urine (Also caused by drinking green beer on St. Patrick's Day).
Extreme fatigue (In which case you probably don't have the energy to get on the internet to find out the symptoms).
Nausea (Also caused by drinking green beer on St. Patrick's Day)
Vomiting and abdominal pain (Yup, St. Patty's Day again).
It can take several months to a year to feel fit again. (Just in time for the next St. Patty's Day).

The hepatitis case was rare and no fault of Grimsby's but the other restaurants were closed down for general health violations. One of the primary reasons was because of employees not washing their hands after going to the bathroom. This is one thing I'll never understand.

Being a man I have had on occasion to visit many a public men's room. I don't know what goes on in ladies rooms, ladies, but the amount of men who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom is staggering. Why men do this is beyond me. How long does it take to wash your hands? Are you making some sort of political statement?

I understand that there are emergency situations that arise and there sometimes is no other alternative. I mean, what guy hasn't gone behind a tree, or gone behind a bush or gone off the roof top of his frat house?

Nor did our forefathers always have the proper facilities available. As Lewis and Clark became the first white men to cross the continent, when nature called, the only available facility was nature itself. Lewis and Clark didn't have the option of stopping in at the nearest Texaco station. They also didn't have the luxury of anti-bacterial soap (which of course, was a response to the "pro" bacterial soap of earlier generations).

Non-handwashing by restaurant employees is one of the primary methods of transmission of E. coli bacteria. If you didn't like the symptoms of hepatitis A, you'll hate to hear about E. coli, so I'll spare you the details. Every restaurant men's room that I've ever been in has a sign which reads "Employees must wash hands before returning to work." Perhaps these employees should take a literacy test as well.

Fortunately, Grimby's has been decontaminated and has reopened.

Nonetheless, maybe I'll just start eating at home.

Originally published in the Stoneham Sun.