DanMargarita.com

I stumbled upon this thanks to a flyer in my mailbox that offered Democrats a place to watch Sen. John Kerry make his acceptance speech on Thursday night. The handbill promised a DJ, food and a cash bar. Since it's highly unlikely that the VIP's in Jeremy Jacobs' luxury box at the Fleet Center paid for their drinks, the distance between the Fleet Center and the American Legion Hall seemed greater in status than it was in miles.

The flyer also said that you could watch the speech on a 'Giant 20 foot Wide Screen." There was no screen so the picture was projected on the wall, technically making it a 120 foot Wide Screen.

Security has been tight in Boston but the organizers of the Woburn event didn't seem to feel too much of a terrorist threat seeing as the closest thing to security was several youngsters who for some reason were wandering around in karate outfits.

For those interested in watching the convention all week in full but unable to attend, C-Span presented gavel-to-gavel coverage. This meant you would get to see the speakers that most people haven't heard of. It's kind of like watching the last few innings of the Major League All Star game and seeing players you've never heard of but are there because the Montreal Expos have to be represented.

Apparently not content to cover just the DNC, C-Span 2 went above and beyond by covering Fidel Castro's speech on Monday night. Castro mentioned that his country has free education, that Cuban children rank highly internationally in math and that everyone in Cuba has free health care. If it weren't for the totalitarian aspect of his regime, he'd have my vote. It looked like Fidel was vying for a cabinet position in the Kerry administration.

Some of the highlights of the convention included Massachusetts Sen. Ted Kennedy, who rewrote American history when he announced that at the Battle of Lexington & Concord someone fired "the shirt heard 'round the world." I'm betting that he misspoke and was not making a statement about the colonists' loud clothing.

Ted also seemed to have vocal trouble as his voice kept cracking like a teenager going through puberty. It seemed like a matter of time before he would say "Would you like fries with that?"

Though I missed it, I saw highlights of what apparently was a surprise guest appearance by famed cartoon character Little Orphan Annie who is running an organization called "Kids for Kerry." I can't wait to see what brilliant stunts they come up with their "dirty tricks committee."

Former Vice President Al Gore gave a speech on behalf of John Kerry. Gore opened by joking that he had hoped to be there under different circumstances, as a President hoping for re-election.

Later that same night, Howard Dean spoke on Kerry's behalf, opening by joking that he'd hoped to be there under different circumstances, as the presumptive nominee. Howard, what were you doing backstage? Obviously not watching the convention or you wouldn't have opened with the same joke as Gore.

Each speaker had their own introductory music that somehow related to them. I didn't recognize the opening chords to Dean's theme song, but I honestly thought it was the song "Freak Out."

One of the stars of the convention was Barack Obama, the self-professed "skinny kid with the funny name." His father was a Kenyan goat herder and his mother was from Kansas, which begs the obvious question: Can these two people share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

Obama gave an electrifying keynote speech and the pundits tabbed him for stardom in the Democratic Party. His biggest hindrance might be that his last name is just one letter off from "Osama."

Another speaker was Ron Reagan, son of the late President Ronald Reagan. He began his speech by noting the irony of the son of a famous Republican addressing the Democratic Convention. "A few of you may be surprised to see someone with my last name showing up to speak at a Democratic convention" said Reagan, apparently unaware that he also possesses the same first name as his father.

The convention wrapped up with Kerry making his acceptance speech on Thursday night. At the Legion Hall, after an evening of ignoring speeches by local candidates, the audience grew quiet as Kerry bounded on stage and saluted the crowd and announced that he was "reporting for duty." At least he had the good sense not to show up dressed like the sailor on the Cracker Jack box after being mocked for his appearance in a biochemical suit earlier in the week.

The senator talked about his service in Viet Nam, noting that on his patrol boat the American flag behind him continued to blow in the breeze after being shot up. Presumably he was marveling at the symbolism of the event rather than being amazed by a simple law of physics that a light cloth will be elevated by wind.

To no one's surprise, Kerry accepted the nomination (what would they do if he declined?) and the audience cheered him wildly. Then it was time to head back to Stoneham.

It's a two-minute ride from the Legion Hall...barring roadblocks.

Originally printed in The Stoneham Sun.