DanMargarita.com

At the very least, the sex we’re having isn’t good enough or lasting long enough.

What else are we to conclude from the numerous commercials that advertise various “erectile dysfunction” products?

Just try to watch a sporting event that doesn’t have a commercial for either beer or an erectile dysfunction product. They make for an odd pairing since the “E.D.” commercials come with a warning that their product shouldn’t be used when drinking alcohol. I suspect that the reason for the warning isn’t medically related but more a case of realizing the potential danger of a drunk guy on the loose with an unrelenting erection, although this pretty much happens on any given Saturday night in any singles bar.

In one of the ads the announcer states “Although rare, erections lasting longer than four hours may require medical attention.”

First of all, “although rare?”

Doesn’t this guy remember high school?

Secondly, if my erection lasts more than four hours, “doctor” is not the profession I’ll be seeking out.

Lately, Viagra has been in the news after it was reported that a number of users of the drug suffered from blindness soon after taking the product. There was no mention of whether they also developed hairy palms.

According the The Washington Post, a safety inspector at the Food & Drug Administration reported a possible link between Viagra and blindness nearly 13 months before it became public knowledge, yet nothing was done to warn doctors or users of Viagra about the potential link.

It was only after the link was reported in the Journal of Neuro-Ophthalmology (I love their swim-suit issue!) did the FDA make any public announcement on the subject. Prior to that there would’ve been just a bunch of confused, aroused men blind guys wandering around the house, knocking over lamps.

The apparent cause of the blindness to my understanding, seems to be from a lack of blood flow to the optic nerve during arousal when the medication redirects the blood flow to a more important organ. Those suffering from the blindness have a small optic nerve which restricts blood-flow to the eye. Now, if they can just develop a product to increase the size of a man’s optic nerve.

Speaking of size, not only are we not getting enough, long enough, apparently we seem to feel we’re not big enough. This seems to be the basis of the ad for “Enzyte” which promises “Natural Male Enhancement.” The commercial features a guy named “Smilin’ Bob” whom they imply is smiling because his use of Enzyte has made him, shall we say, larger than life.

In actuality, Enzyte is apparently just another form of Viagra, as they are careful to note on their website (which I checked out strictly for research purposes) that Enzyte cannot enhance the size of one’s member, but merely improve the duration and experience.

That’s reason enough to smile.