DanMargarita.com

Actually, I’m referring to little green figures that seems to be all the rage of parents who want to warn motorists that children are playing in the neighborhood.

A noteworthy goal to be sure, but it seems that the traditional signs posted on telephone poles haven’t been doing the job. We’ve all seen these signs; yellow with a running figure that has a round head and no hands or feet with the words “slow children.”

One can interpret this phrase in a few ways. First, it could mean that children in the neighborhood do not run fast, which is understandable given that he/she has no feet. Secondly, it could mean that motorists should proceed slowly due to the presence of children. There is a third option in which it is a comment on the child not being too bright, but that seems the least likely option.

There is another version of this sign which has two figures. One is the round-headed, handless and footless character, while the other is smaller and wearing a skirt. I’m guessing that the latter is supposed to be a either a little girl or a small Scotsman in a kilt. If indeed it is a girl, then it’s pretty frightening because there’s no clothing reference on the other figure meaning that he’s naked, in which case instead of slowing down, you’d better cal 9-1-1 and get that little girl away from him.

The advent of Little Green Men seems to be a fairly new phenomenon. In the past, parents were content to use orange cones to cordon off areas where children would be playing. Presumably, the downside of that would be the danger of directionless cars veering off of highways as they approach unguarded construction projects due to the loss of pilfered orange cones.

Of course, when approaching most construction sites, one usually sees a posted sign that reads “Men Working.”

That seems unduly sexist in this day and age. After all, we’ve gone from using the terms policeman, firemen and mailmen to police officers, fire fighters and letter carriers. Of course men are still referred to as men, but there could easily be women working outside these days. So, shouldn’t “Workers Ahead” or “People Working” or “Homo Sapiens Working” signs be used instead?

Sometimes the signs get more specific such as “Men Working in Trees.” If we’re going to get specific, why not give us their complete itinerary?

“Men Working in Trees, Then Going to Lunch.”

Understandably, there’s only so much information that they can fit on a sign. It would be impractical to write “Men Working in Trees, Then Going Home and Having a Fight with Their Wives Because They Never Take Them Anywhere Anymore and Just Lie Around on the Couch and Watch TV and Don’t Help Out Around the House.”

So if you see any of these Little Green Men around town, please remember to slow down…or call NASA.