DanMargarita.com

The newspaper article states that using “newly available genetic data” scientists concluded that “human ancestors evolved apart from the chimpanzees for hundreds of thousands of years, and then started breeding with them again before a final break.”

Talk about your swingers.

I guess I’m jumping to a conclusion here that it was male humans that decided to breed with female chimpanzees, because I’m assuming it was probably a case of “prehistoric boys, being prehistoric boys.”

I was never a member of a fraternity, but I know what some guys with a few goblets of Meade in them are capable of.

I’m not sure what kind of a pick-up line he might use.

“Say, I like the way you hang from the trees by your tail and throw your feces around.”

Why shouldn’t I assume that some female chimps were the seductresses?

“Mrs. Bubbles, you’re trying to seduce me.”

Maybe after watching some early man hunt and kill a saber-toothed tiger, a female chimp decided that he was “the one” for her. Dressed…okay, undressed, in her best fur, Ms. Bubbles swings from tree-to-tree in an effort to get her man’s attention. She then sashays seductively by and until he can no longer restrain himself and a new romance is born.

Nah, I doubt it.

While raising some questions, the article leaves some things unanswered such as: “It is not known why human ancestors would have begun mating with chimpanzee ancestors again, or why they would have stopped.”

Let me take a stab at that one. They started mating with chimps again because they hadn’t seen any women in a very, very long time. They stopped when they were reunited with some women and/or they realized that they were having sex with chimpanzees.

Technically this comes under the term “hybrids” which is “the term for offspring with parents of different species.” The article cites as an example, the recent discovery of a combination grizzly bear and polar bear in Canada, which to me sounds less like an interbreeding of species then a marriage between races. I mean, they’re both bears, right? It’s just that one’s black and one’s white.

There may well have been other species that were hybrids that have yet to be discovered, or at least ones that I’d like to imagine.

The Grizzly Dog---A 400-pound beast with razor sharp claws and teeth that can kill an antelope with one swipe of its giant paw, it can also fetch your newspaper and slippers.

The Woolly Hog---This combination of woolly mammoth and ground hog sticks its head through the ice on a February morning amid great fanfare. If it sees its shadow, that means another 2 million years until extinction.

The Polar Bird---This white, furry creature weighs 400-pounds, but can fly and say things like “Polly wants a Salmon.”

A Gir-ant---Perhaps the most unlikely mating combination, this creature has the body of an ant and the four-foot neck of a giraffe. It quickly becomes extinct though, as upon reaching maturation, it is continually crushed by the weight of its own neck.

If the theory of evolution is to be believed, or at least heard before it is banned from public schools, humans too must be continuing to evolve.

I can’t wait to find out what I turn into.