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I did manage to find out a bit about the evolution (or intelligent design) of Santa Claus, from the real St. Nicholas to the calorically challenged guy in red we know today.

According to “The Christmas Archives.com” St. Nicholas was born around 270-280 AD. Ordained a bishop as a young man, he “loved children and often went out at night disguised in a hooded cloak” which today probably would lead to him being caught by a hidden camera on NBC’s Dateline.

343 AD---St. Nicholas dies on December 6th. His Christmas shopping remains unfinished.

1150 AD---Guace, a Norman French scribe to the royal household, wrote the life of Nicholas as Metric Poems used for sermons. An example:

There once was a man named St. Nicholas
Who was always around trying to tickle us
Bad motives methinks
Always buying us drinks
Like a herring he kept trying to pickle us

1200 AD---Hilarious (I’m not making that up) wrote the first play about Nicholas. Given the author’s name, it was likely a comedy.

1492 (I think we can stop with the “AD”)---Christopher Columbus arrives in Haiti and names the port St. Nicholas. He also names the natives “Indians.” He doesn’t think to name the continent “Columbia” thus losing out on royalties for years.

1626---A fleet of ships leaves Holland for the New World led by The Goodwife, which features a figurehead of St. Nicholas, the patron saint of sailors. He was also the patron saint of “children, bankers, pawn-brokers, scholars, orphans, laborers, travelers, merchants, judges, paupers, marriageable maidens, students, children, sailors, victims of judicial mistakes, captives, perfumers, even thieves and murderers! He is known as the friend and protector of all in trouble or need.” Not to be confused with St. Bernard, the patron saint of big dogs that carry barrels of rum under their collar.

1651---The State of Massachusetts, run by Puritans, bans all observation of Christmas. They also ban colored clothing, shoestring hats and fun. Oddly enough, gay marriage is permitted.

1809---American writer Washington Irving describes St. Nicholas in his “History of New York” and a poem “The Children’s Friend” which includes the first references to sleigh and reindeer. This also is the first reference to Lyme Disease.

1821---Rev. Clement Moore writes his famous poem, originally titled “A Visit From St. Nick” it becomes better known as “The Night Before Christmas.” Moore initially declines to put his name to it, feeling it a bit undignified for a man of the cloth. Moore is also known for wearing very dignified cloth. He writes the poem for his children but a friend of his has it published. Moore’s previously best-known work was titled “A Compendious Lexicon of the Hebrew Language” which later became a hit for Charles Shultz who penned “It’s a Compendious Lexicon of the Hebrew Language, Charlie Brown.”

1864-1886---Famed cartoonist Thomas Nast draws Santa Claus in a series of cartoons, giving him the beginnings of the appearance as we now view him. Santa Claus that is, not Thomas Nast.

1931---Coca Cola began using with artist Haddon Sundbloom painting Santa in his own image. Sundbloom also used his own likeness in a dietary “before” ad.

As we approach the holidays, I wish all of you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and a Happy or Merry Kwanzaa (whichever is appropriate), and to all a good night.