DanMargarita.com

You may have seen two recent stories about two individuals who have broken records. The first was by Steve Milton, who built a 4,594 pound ball made out of rubber bands, or “elastics” as we might call them and not a group of musicians made of rubber. Milton, of Eugene, Or., had four bodybuilders roll the 5 ½’ tall, 19’ foot wide ball onto a giant scale in downtown Chicago. What the news stories fail to report is how Mr. Milton got the ball from Oregon to Chicago in the first place. Perhaps the bodybuilders rolled it all the way, which I presume would be some sort of record in its own right.

Milton’s feat surpassed that of John Bain of Wilmington, Delaware who built a rubber band ball that weighs 3,120 lbs., yet whose website “RecordBall.com” is still in existence. The website brags that the ball was “single-handedly created by John Bain” and then later states “Special thanks to Jeff Arroyo for helping add the most recent layers on the ball.” I think a congressional investigation is in order.

The other record recently broken was that of Jon Sanford who has what is the world’s longest arm hair. The “mutant hair” as he calls it, is just under four inches long and he is awaiting approval from the people at Guinness World Records to formally claim the title. I guess most of us aren’t capable of curing cancer or winning a military victory, so we have to take our glory where we can find it.

Americans are obsessed with fame, as are the British I assume since they are the home of The Guinness Book of Records, which is the base for the ultimate weirdness in pursuit of fame. Some of the records listed on their website include “Most Cockroaches Eaten” by Ken Edwards of London, England, who downed 36 of the creatures. Mr. Edwards is listed as a “retired rat-catcher” (Were there no more rats left to catch?) who first made a splash on TV by stuffing 47 rats downs his pants. Personally, I find that after four or five rats in my pants, it’s gets a little uncomfortable.

Then there’s a Michel Lotito of France who is credited as having the “Strangest Diet” which I would’ve assumed would be the cockroach-eating guy. According to Guinness, Mr. Lotito has been eating metal and glass since 1959 and regularly consumes 2 pounds of metal per day. No need for him to add an iron supplement to his diet.

Some people hold records that they probably wish they didn’t own. For instance, the 2004 Guinness Book of Records says that in 1991 a California woman had a 303 pound tumor on her left ovary removed intact. It was three feet in diameter which one would assume might’ve been noticeable long before it got to that point. Remarkably, the woman made a full recovery.

There are two types or record holders: people who do unusual things and those who are born freaks (for lack of a better term). The latter would be the arm hair guy or the kid in India with 12 fingers and 13 toes. He didn’t have a choice in the matter. The former would be Cockroach Guy, Metal Eating Guy and Ashrita Furman, who has made his life’s pursuit the breaking of Guinness records. According to his website www.ashritafurman.com, he has set 126 records and currently holds 46 of them.

Some of his records include: Longest Continuous Somersaulting Distance--12 mi., 390 yds.
Pogo Stick Jumping Distance---23.11 mi.
Longest Distance Balancing Milk Bottle on Head---80.95 mi.
And I think we can also add: Most Free Time on Hands To Pursue Idiotic Goals.

In case you were wondering, I have no desire to take Cockroach Guy’s title…just for the record.