DanMargarita.com

I’m certainly not alone, however. According to a report by Seth Boronstein of the Associated Press, a study by a University of Calgary professor named Piers Steel (also a part-time private eye?) shows that Americans procrastinate more than ever and it’s making us “poorer, fatter and unhappier.”

I assume that Canadians don’t procrastinate because it’s usually too damn cold up there. One is not inclined to put off getting the firewood, shoveling snow to give the oil truck access or hunting and cooking that evening’s dinner.

I also would’ve thought that Dorito’s and Ring Ding’s made people fatter. Being fat isn’t a guarantee of unhappiness. Look at any picture or statue of Buddha. Has he ever been seen not smiling?

Steel says that in 1978 only 5 percent of Americans thought of themselves as procrastinators but now it’s up to 26 percent. That figure may be off if the people in 1978 were late turning in the questionnaire.

Steel claims that modern technology is responsible for much of the problem, as it is easier to be distracted from the task at hand than ever before. I can attest that this is true since I have not only checked my email several times, but I have made several visits to the IMDb (Internet Movie Database) website where I have discovered that the 1978 classic film “Animal House” has a mockcumentary “Where Are They Now?: A Delta Alumni Update” on the new DVD. Maybe that’s where the 5 percent of procrastinators were in 1978, watching “Animal House.” Fans of the “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” game, where you connect various actors to Kevin Bacon in six links or less, know that Bacon’s first film role was a small part in “Animal House” as an ROTC cadet trying to maintain order at the end of the movie. Yet, I digress…and that’s part of my problem.

According to the article (on procrastination, not Kevin Bacon), men are worse than women with about 54 out of 100 men being identified as chronic procrastinators and the young are more inclined to be so then the old. That makes sense of course because young people have more time in front of them to put things off until whereas the old know that time has become a precious commodity and is not to be wasted. Why put things off until tomorrow when tomorrow might not arrive for you?

Steel claims that he has found it harder to wean procrastinators from delaying than weaning alcoholics from booze. If procrastination is such a big problem, why hasn’t anyone developed P.A. (Procrastinators Anonymous)?

“Hi, I’m Bob. I’m a procrastinator.”
“Hi Bob.”
“Because of procrastinating, I lost my wife, my house and my job. Well, I never actually had those things. Because I was too lazy to get a job, I never made enough money to buy a house and because I was poor, women didn’t want to date me. That’s how I lost those things.”

Procrastination is not a new phenomenon, but just one that has increased exponentially.
“It's never been harder to be self-disciplined in all of history than it is now" says Steel.

As an example, the article points to an 1852 book for children titled “Thoughtless Little Fanny: The Unhappy Results of Procrastination” which undoubtedly kept many children of the day from having a thoughtless fanny.

Since there wasn’t always technology, there could not always have been procrastinators. It’s unlikely that the caveman put off fighting an attacking saber-tooth tiger so he could paint stick figures on his cave wall.

One can’t argue with Steel’s expertise, though. It was intended to be a five-year study, but took him ten years to finish.

Oh, and for those you who are interested, Kevin Bacon’s family dog is a mutt named Paulie.