DanMargarita.com

A recent CNN/AP story notes that in Portland, Maine there as been “an outbreak of pregnancies” among middle-schools which has resulted in them deciding to provide birth control pills or the patch to girls as young as 11-years-old. I remember it being a big deal when we were given the option of getting chocolate milk for lunch.

The phrase “an outbreak of pregnancies” seems a curious way to put it, as though some bug were going around. There’s a parental note I never thought I’d see: “Dear, Teacher. Please excuse Mary from school today. She got knocked-up over the weekend.”

This situation is not completely new as condoms have been available to students there since 2000. And to think…all we were worried about contracting in school was cooties.

I suppose it’s merely a sign of the times we live in, but one can’t help wonder what’s going on in middle-school these days. Are boys approaching girls with some sort of sure-fire pick-up lines?

“Say, can I buy you a pint of milk?” or “Do you come here for recess often?”

Are there middle-schoolers putting ads in the local paper’s personal section?

“SWMM-S enjoys wiffle ball, Play-station, walks on the beach, climbing on the monkeybars, seeking SWFM-S who enjoys same. Non-smokers only.”

Sadly, this has become necessary as Portland’s three middle-schools have reported 17 pregnancies in the last four years. That doesn’t include “miscarriages or terminated pregnancies not reported to the school nurse.” I know the Maine winters can get pretty cold, but perhaps a more old-fashioned way of staying warm can be introduced to the kids.

“Sure, kids. You can watch TV. Stay RIGHT here, RIGHT where I can see you, and watch as much TV as you’d like.”

An alarming statistic is that five of the 134 students who went to the King Middle School health center during the 2006-07 school year reported having sexual intercourse, according to CNN/AP. It’s relief to know there were at least 129 kids who weren’t getting any action.

Sex education and prevention are clearly needed here and even though I’m not a parent, could I suggest bringing back chastity belts, as well?

All of this has happened as yet another attractive, young female teacher has escaped with one of her students (since captured) on a romantic escapade to Mexico. I hear a lot of women saying there aren’t any good men out there but that doesn’t mean they have to start getting them before they actually become men. Of course, this isn’t a common occurrence, but does seem to be on the rise (insert your own joke here). In the old days, students weren’t as anxious to stay after school as much as they might be inclined to do so now.

While this may be a middle-school boy’s fantasy come true, it is a crime. The stereotypical view of a junior high dance used to involve a shy girl standing in the corner hoping that a boy would ask her to dance. Now, it seems that a middle-school boy may be hoping a teacher will take him on a romantic getaway weekend. How does a 12-year-old girl compete with that?

As I mentioned earlier, I’m not a parent and don’t have to deal with the worries that every parent must now face. Frankly, with the concerns that a parent has to deal with now, I’m glad I’m not a parent

On the other hand…from everything I hear, I don’t think I’d mind being a middle-school student.