DanMargarita.com

Once again I recently made my way to Florida for my annual Spring Training trip, with my baseball compadres Jim and Rick. The big addition to this year’s trip was my new cell phone. The number formally belonged to a woman named Joyce and I’ve been besieged with calls for Joyce since acquiring the phone. (see: What The Cell?)

Having been without a cell phone for years, I broke down and gave in to the conventions of society. Also, I was tired of getting yelled at by people who can’t reach me because I don’t have a cell phone.

Sun., Mar. 16---Having arrived a day ahead of Jim and Rick, I head to Tampa Airport to pick them up. Unfortunately, I underestimate how long it takes to get to Tampa from Orlando, so I’m late getting there. As I enter the T.G.I Friday’s (our usual meeting point) with cell phone to ear, checking my messages (there were none), I spot them at the bar only after the bartender flags me down and gives me a thorough ration of crap that apparently had been prompted by them giving me crap while waiting for me to show up.

From there we drive to Bradenton to watch the Red Sox play the Pirates. Our seats are down the left field line, in the sun. Having been through this over the course of many years, one would think that I would know to put on sunblock, but it doesn’t enter my mind until I feel the flesh on the back of my neck being singed. By then it is far too late.

While waiting at the beer stand behind the seats I hear a cry to “Lookout!” and see a foul ball land behind the beer stand, just inside the fence amongst the belongings of the employees of the beer stand. I contemplated violating their stuff for the ball and while I ponder, a less shy gentleman rushes and grabs the ball from among the jackets and things. That would be as close as I would come to a foul ball the whole trip, and nothing but the trip. It’s great to see the Sox, but as is customary in Spring Training, the regulars leave the game and you watch guys with numbers like “78” play the later innings.

We then drive to Clearwater to watch a “Legends” game. This is not to be confused with an “Old Timers” game, because that is limited to former Major League ballplayers. A Legends game includes non-ballplayers like the local weatherman from Channel 6 and Bob Johnson of Bob Johnson Ford as well as Robin Zander of the rock group Cheap Trick. There was also some local radio guy making a jerk of himself, but the people seemed to enjoy him. When your second baseman throws like Ethel Merman and can barely reach first, you know it’s not a serious game.

Bob Feller starts on the mound for the American League team. Feller is a Hall of Famer, pitched three no-hitters and is considered one of the greatest pitchers that ever lived. He is also 89 years old. Though some of the players are not former big-leaguers, some of them are young, like the members of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and a couple of military men who play for one of the U.S. service baseball teams. One can imagine the tragedy as a 25-year-old lance corporal hits a rocket back through the box. Feller lasts two batters and is replaced by Gaylord Perry, another Hall of Famer. Perry was old and fat when he retired in 1983. He’s only older and fatter now.

Later in the game Michelle Smith of the Gold Medal winning U.S. Olympic softball team strikes out the side. Okay, so she pitched from 15 feet in front of the pitchers mound and used a softball, but she still struck out three former Major League ballplayers!

Mon., Mar 17---We get up early for the long drive to Vero Beach to see the Dodgers play, but we still manage to be late. The middle of the state is what I suspect few tourists who hunker down at Disneyworld ever get to see. There are farms, cows, horses and orange groves which make for quite a culture shock after being in Orlando.

This appears to be the last year for the Dodgers at Vero Beach, or “Dodgertown” as it’s also known. They plan to move to Arizona next year, after being in Vero since 1948 and playing on this field since 1953, where such baseball legends as Jackie Robinson, Duke Snyder and Pee Wee Reese trained. Tommy Lasorda also was here.

It’s a small ballpark, with seats that go about 16 rows high and harkens back to a simpler time, before Spring Training became a big business.

March 17 is of course St. Patrick’s Day, so the Dodgers wear green hats and the bases are green. Much of the team is on an exhibition tour in China so it’s largely unknown players, but its 85 degrees out so who cares?

There’s no night game so we take a long drive to Ft. Lauderdale for tomorrow’s game and find a room at a Budget Inn. The guy at the desk says he has no roll-away bed, so we get two rooms. After completing the deal with our credit cards, he informs us we have two rooms with one bed each. We explain that we need two beds in one room, which we thought we had made clear but he says it’s another $10. The deal has been made and we don’t offer to give him another $10. He says he’ll talk to his boss in the morning so he hopefully won’t have to pay the extra $10 himself, trying to guilt us into giving him $10 more, but we still don’t offer it. He does manage to let us know that there are “free adult movies on channel 88.”

Tue., Mar 18---The guy at the desk who’d said he “talk to his boss” the night before, is barking orders at the cleaning staff. Clearly, he is the boss. We make sure to check out by 10:00 so he doesn’t try to charge us for another day, which we’re pretty certain he would do.

We go to the Orioles-Twins game for my first game ever there, and get box seats on the first base side which have more leg room that I’ve ever had at any ballpark anywhere.

There is no night game, so we take a three hour drive across the state on Route 75, also knows as Alligator Alley, known for, you guessed it…alligators. Fortunately, we have gassed up because there is a 26 mile gap between the first and second exits.

Dinner is at the Ft. Myers Ale House, one of our favorite Florida chain restaurants where Red Sox first baseman Mike Lowell also winds up dining (see: What The Cell?).

The Econo Lodge we stay at does have a roll-away bed which I volunteer to take. I discover that if I curl up in the fetal position and sleep in the top half of the bed, I won’t be tortured by the bar running across the middle of the bed.

Wed., Mar. 19---Since we’re staying right in Ft. Myers, we get to City of Palms Park plenty early to look around and then see the game…or so we think. It turns out the game was scheduled to start an hour earlier than we expected. Yet it does not start for a while and we learn that the Sox players are considering not playing because it has been announced that the Sox coaches are not being paid for their upcoming trip to Japan, as they thought they were. The game is being broadcast on ESPN so the players use that leverage to work out a deal to get their coaches paid and the game goes on.

Our seats are down the left field line. My seat is in the sun the entire game but as it happens, the seat to my right manages to stay just in the shade the whole game, but I’ve made sure to use sunblock this time.

We then drive to Bradenton for the first night game ever there, as the Pirates celebrate their 40th anniversary in Bradenton. The Bucs play the Yanks and at some point we become aware that the Pirates fans behind us, a family with their grandfather, are getting annoyed with the obnoxious Yankees couple/fans sitting behind them. We don’t pay much attention but after the game the grandfather is giving crap to the drunk Yankee fan who tells him “Don’t get your blood pressure up”, in essence, making fun of the guy for being old. The granddad leaves and his son tells the Yankee fan he’ll be waiting for him outside. I later regret not using my cell phone camera to get a picture of it.

After the game, the obnoxious Yankee couple move down to the first row and the man tries to get former Yankee (and Red Sox) Doug Meintkiewicz to sign a baseball for him.

“Hey, Doug. Why can’t we get you back in pinstripes?” the man inquires.

Only after Meintkiewicz blows past him without acknowledgement does the man yell “Traitor!”

Thurs., Mar 20---We head to Winter Haven and as we pull onto a major highway, we see what looks like a major traffic jam as several State Police cars are pulled over. We assume it’s a car crash but then we don’t see any civilian vehicles. Upon seeing a trooper with an automatic weapon in his hands, we realize it’s a roadblock, not an accident. Fortunately for us, it is just before our entrance so we don’t have any traffic issues.

Lo and behold, Indians legend Bob Feller is signing autographs behind the stands so I wait in line and get an autograph and a photo with him on my new cell phone. I’m usually not big on autographs but he is a Hall of Famer and well, 89 years old. I’m tempted to beg him to stop pitching in Legends games for his own sake. The proceeds benefit the Bob Feller Museum, which is dedicated to studying all things Bob Feller.

Our night game is at the Atlanta Braves facility which is located at Disneyworld. It’s the only ballpark where parking is free but a pizza the size of a doughnut is $5. There is the All Star Café next to the ballpark where you could go and have a drink to wait out the tremendous traffic jam…but they don’t serve alcohol so we wind up sitting in traffic for an hour.

Fri., Mar 21---The day game is at Kissimmee where one used to be able to walk up to the ticket window before the game and buy a good seat. We do have good seats, next to the first base dugout about five rows from the backstop, but they’re purchased in advance. The upside is that the grandstand seats are no longer metal benches and the food selection is much better. My cell phone rings and Jim and Rick get a chuckle when I tell the caller “Joyce no longer has this number.”

The night game is at the Yankees facility in Tampa. Our seats are in the first row of the upper deck. I ask a guy two rows behind me to take a photo with my cell phone of me with the Yankee logo in the background. The woman sitting in between us is startled when she realizes I’m discreetly giving the finger.

Sat., Mar 22---The first rainy day of the trip and we drive to Clearwater to see the Phillies game, which starts on time despite the rain. However, the game is stopped in the fourth inning and then called after a 45 minute delay.
Rick learned the lesson of the downside of not having a cell phone while in Clearwater. Jim and I, both with cell phones, found each other but couldn’t find Rick. Since he was unable to locate us and couldn’t call us, he headed for our rental car. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the one with the keys and thus stood there in the rain waiting for us to figure out that he’d headed to the car.

Sun., Mar. 23---My last game of the trip is back at Disneyworld. It’s in the upper deck again and once again, I make sure to use sunblock. By now, the first day burn that I got has started to peel and I look like Boris Karloff in The Mummy.

Mon., Mar 24---Jim and Rick drop me off at Orlando Airport and continue on their extended Spring Training tour while I hope that TSA Security doesn’t find a can of shaving cream in my bag and declare me an “Enemy Combatant.”

Then it’s back to work, back to reality and back to cold and rainy weather. It’s good to be home.