DanMargarita.com

The news that Academy Award-winning actress Tatum O’Neal was arrested in New York City for trying to buy crack cocaine, while sad, also has an all-too-familiar ring to it. The actress reportedly told police that she was merely researching a part as a junky, which, these days, seems to be the criminal defense excuse of the stars. I suppose that when she won her Oscar at 10-years-old as a con artist in the movie Paper Moon, she time-traveled back to The Depression to research that role.

You may recall that when actress Winona Ryder was arrested for shoplifting several years ago, she claimed to have been doing research for an upcoming role.

Saks Fifth Avenue employees spotted Ryder stuffing things into her bag and stopped her outside of the store. When the Girl was Interrupted from her stealing binge, she lost her Age of Innocence, and Great Balls of Fire!, risked spending time in prison with several not-so Little Women. Ryder was found guilty of the shoplifting charges, while I’m clearly guilty of not being able to think of better Winona Ryder movies to use for puns.

Rocker Pete Townshend was arrested several years ago on child pornography charges, which caused fans of The Who to reinterpret every Who song, starting with It’s a Boy, (A Side Note: Checking the Internet for “It’s a Boy!” to get my facts right, brought up a site with that title which is described as “a short, friendly summary of the case for not circumcising your son”) right through See Me, Feel Me.

Townshend publicly explained that he visited a child pornography site (but didn’t download anything) as part of his research for an upcoming autobiography. Presumably, he’s not going with his original title “Pete Townshend: My Life With Child Pornography.”

Of course, it’s not uncommon for actors to do research. Most famously, Robert DeNiro put on 50 pounds to play boxer Jake LaMotta for LaMotta’s later years in the movie Raging Bull, rather than wearing a “fat suit” in the film. DeNiro also got in the ring and boxed, a stark contrast from the days before “method acting” when John Wayne and Humphrey Bogart played the same character, themselves, no matter what the film role was. Could you see John Wayne or Humphrey Bogart auditioning for the lead role in Capote?

Let’s assume that DeNiro didn’t actually kill anybody to research any of his roles as a mobster, in films such as Goodfellas or Analyze This.

Actor Harry Hamlin, 1987’s “People’s Sexiest Man Alive!” (Beat me by that much…a tribute to the upcoming Get Smart movie), once told of researching for his part as a gay man for a role in the film Making Love, by hanging out in a gay bar. Hit on by an interested patron, he explained to the guy that he wasn’t really gay but just researching a role. The man replied “You’re the fifth guy to tell me that tonight!”

While Hamlin got a laugh with that story on a talk show, it’s kind of sad to know there’s some guy out there that nobody found attractive.

According to Usmagazine.com, where I usually to go to learn about the important events of the world, O’Neal chronicled her battle with drugs and alcohol in her 2004 memoir A Paper Life and went into rehab in 1996. The American Medical Association has classified alcoholism as a disease, while one could also attribute at least some of Ms. O’Neal’s problems to having been married to ex-tennis star John McEnroe.

So, if you ever see my photo in a newspaper for some reason, remember, I wasn’t really attempting to rob a bank…it was just research.