DanMargarita.com

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A 36-year-old Vermont woman is fine after being hit by a train while out snowmobiling with friends. Neither she nor her husband, Wile E. Coyote, could be reached for comment.

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News reports by the Sports Illustrated claim that New York Yankee star Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003. Former Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling, who collected $8 million last year while not throwing a pitch but instead, just sat around on his ample buttocks, tested positive for hemorrhoids.

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Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps apologized for using “bad judgment” when a photo revealed him smoking marijuana from a bong. Phelps decided to apologize instead of his initial inclination to claim that the pipe was an “over-water breathing apparatus.” Phelps was charged with driving under the influence in 2004 and apologized then. Phelps also stated that there are several more drugs that he has yet to try and apologize for doing.

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Street artist Shepard Fairey (not to be confused with the mythical creature who leaves wool under your pillow) pleaded not guilty to vandalizing property in Boston, allegedly writing graffiti on the Boston University Bridge and on an overpass on Storrow Drive. Crack Boston detectives caught Fairey when the artist, like most artists, signed his work.

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Chinese officials deny government censorship to a U.N. Human Rights board in Switzerland. When contacted, several Chinese news outlets say they know nothing about it.

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The bad luck for China continued when a prestigious new, nearly finished luxury hotel went up in flames during a fireworks display. Chinese officials announced an end to their experimental “indoor fireworks” program. Fortunately, no one was injured as the community had been well prepared by performing several fire drills.

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The Chinese premier, Wen Jiabao, asked British officials to pardon a student who threw a shoe at him on Feb. 2 during a speech in London. Fortunately, Jiabao didn’t give the speech in the U.S. on February 2nd, as someone may have thrown a groundhog at him.

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President Barack Obama has offered to continue to compromise with congressional Republicans on his proposed stimulus package. The GOP says they’ll agree to a compromise of Obama dropping everything in the bill he wants, and just agreeing to what they want.

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Nadya Suleman, the woman who gave birth to octuplets, while already caring for six previous children, announced that she’ll intends to have one more baby to add to her octuplets to give her a potential future baseball team. Boston Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein states, “That’s taking promoting from within to the extreme.” In an exclusive interview, NBC’s Ann Curry asked Shuleman “How will you feed all these children?” Shuleman replied that she is counting on evolution to provide her with several more breasts.

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Conservative pundit Ann Coulter is being investigated for potential voter fraud for voting in Connecticut while being registered to vote in the state of New York. This is not the first time Coulter has faced such accusations. In 2006 she was being investigated for potential voter fraud for voter fraud for voting in the wrong precinct in Florida, but the statute of limitations ran out before charges could be filed. Coulter appears regularly on Fox News, which also has been accused of fraud for posing as a news organization.

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Micah Grimes, a girl’s high school basketball coach at The Covenant School in Texas, was fired after refusing to apologize for his team beating an opponent 100-0. Other losers in the deal include gamblers who bet on Covenant to beat the point spread, which was 102 points.

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So goes all the news that’s fit to print…and stuff I’ll make up.