« April 2009 | Main | June 2009 »
May 26, 2009
NASA's # 1!
Space exploration reached new scientific heights recently when it was announced that the astronauts on board the International Space Station drank water that was recycled from their own urine. I guess you could say it was, “One small step for man, one giant leak for mankind.”
If you read most headlines, however, you would have thought that the astronauts drank straight pee (and not on the moon rocks).
CNN’s website headline reads: “Astronauts Enjoy Recycled Urine.” That is a tad misleading. It’s not that they drank urine and enjoyed it, which seems to be the implication. They drank water that was recycled and had once been urine, thus it was water they enjoyed and not urine. So, this isn’t like the 1973 sci-fi movie Soylent Green, where citizens of the future are given a new foodstuff made of…citizens of the future. Still, CNN makes it sound like they were just drinking pee to wash down the poop sandwich they had earlier.
CNN might as well write, “Astronauts Enjoy Dog Vomit.”
Indeed, flight engineer Mike Barrett did tell the world, “The taste is great,” although one of his crewmates argued that it’s “Less filling.”
I recall that as a child, it was a big deal when the Apollo astronauts supposedly brought the powdered drink Tang to the moon. Perhaps their new Tang packets should read, “Just add urine.”
This recycling is seen as key technology to allow humans to travel further in space without needing to bring water for such missions as trips to the moon and Mars. You have to admit that this is a very original way of using available resources, which is necessary in such a limited environment. Perhaps the next step is to use astronaut flatulence as a means of propelling their spacecraft.
NASA isn’t done using every available scrap of biological matter available on the ISS, though. There are lab rats on the ISS and NASA is planning to include their waste for recycling purposes.
“A full complement of 72 rats would equal about one human in terms of water reclamation,” Layne Carter, a water-processing specialist with NASA, is quoted as saying.
This pretty much squares with what I have on my “rat-to-human” conversion chart.
This is all well and good, if you can find complimentary rats. I’ve generally found them to be quite insulting. Anyway, I had always thought that the collective noun for rats was a “pack.” I guess it sounds more scientific to call them a “compliment” of rats.
This project also holds promise for the future of humankind. While three-quarters of the Earth is covered by water, clean, safe drinking water is a scarce commodity in many third-world countries. Thus, this project may benefit mankind in the long run in our continued efforts to go “green,” or I suppose in this case, “yellow.”
Similar technology has existed for a while, with CNN even noting that it was used after the tsunami in Asia in 2004. They also note that with such large-scale use, there is typically “a much larger gap between urine and tap.”
For the love of God, I hope so.
Okay, so I’ve spent this column resorting to sixth grade potty humor for laughs this week. When CNN puts out a headline like “Astronauts enjoy recycled urine,” what else am I supposed to do?
According to the BBC, the astronauts were given permission to drink the water after tests on water recycled on previous missions, was deemed safe for consumption. This means that at some point, someone had to be the first to try it. I wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall that day.
“Go ahead, Bob. Drink it.”
“No, thanks, Ted. You first.”
If it hadn’t worked, I imagine it would’ve been embarrassing to have to report this on national TV back to NASA headquarters.
“Houston, we have a problem.”
Posted by dmargarita at 7:56 PM
May 17, 2009
Sacri-licious
If I recall my classes at CCD (the Catholic version of Sunday School, held on Saturday) correctly, Jesus will one day return to Earth. They just never told us that it would be as a piece of toast.
Once again, someone seems to have found the image of Jesus on their food. Linda Lowe, of Lake Bowen, Florida, is only the latest individual to have their meal emerge bearing the likeness of Jesus or a member of his family. Well, nobody ever seems to cook up an image of Joseph (and BTW, my apologies to Matt Groening of The Simpsons for using one of their jokes for my title).
According to BlueRidgeNow.com, just before Christmas, Ms. Lowe mentioned to her boyfriend Dupree Gilbert that she was hungry for a “cheese toast snack,” but forgot to add “hold the religious icons.”
The toast emerged, as toast seems to often do these days, bearing the likeness of a bearded, longhaired man. Online photos make that much clear, but whether it’s actually Jesus or an image of a generic bass player from a ‘70’s rock band, is up to the viewer.
BRN says that Lowe keeps the toast in a plastic container and that after five months, it still hasn’t gone “bad.” Well, duh; if it is Jesus, of course it wouldn’t go bad.
Ms. Lowe also states that she “would never eat it,” as though the temptation to munch on a five-month-old piece of toast still seems like a possibility at this point.
On the other hand, if the toast does go “bad,” it would then become moldy and thus eventually turn into penicillin, which actually could cure someone, so it may be divine indeed.
Among the more notable religious foods was a 10-year-old partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich, which sold for $28,000 on eBay in 2004. According to ABC News’ website, the chef and owner of the sandwich, Diana Duyser, took a bite of the sandwich in 1994, and “saw the image of Mary and immediately decided that this blessed snack was not to be eaten.” Exploited, commercialized and prostituted, yes, but not eaten.
The sandwich was bought by GoldenPalace.com, which planned to take the sandwich on tour, and no, I’m not making that up.
So, make sure to get in line early for tickets when the tour comes your way.
“Hey, man…did you get tickets to see the sandwich?”
From what I understand, a pot roast was supposed to open for the sandwich but canceled at the last minute.
Mind you, these are just the known foods bearing a holy likeness. What about all the grilled cheese sandwiches that have been eaten because people were hungry and not paying attention to see if their food resembled Jesus? Then there are those few untouched civilizations that might not be familiar with Christianity and could have laid out an entire feast that looked like Michelangelo’s Last Supper and not understood the significance.
With the economy in disarray right now, it seems like a good idea to invest in a toaster and some Wonder Bread and get busy in the kitchen. If burnt toast can fetch that much money, it’s time to start cooking. I would think that statistically, if one cooks enough toast, one will eventually come up with a piece that looks like Jesus, or maybe even all of the Apostles. Sort of like if you had an infinite amount of monkeys, with an infinite amount of toasters…
Yet nobody ever seems to make toast that looks like other icons or famous people. I guess it wouldn’t be a story that would get on CNN if someone claimed that they made a piece of toast that looks like Keith Richard. Then again, most burnt toast does look like Keith Richard.
On Ash Wednesday, 2007, a woman washing a pizza pan at a school in Houston, discovered on her third cleansing of the pan, an image of what seemed to be the Virgin Mary. Well, I guess Ash Wednesday’s as good a day any for that to happen.
Clearly, there seems to be one constant ingredient in these foods…cheese. It has long been said that “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”
If that means that He will send his message of peace and love via a cow’s udder, so be it. It’s just a shame that some people will exploit other people’s faith for financial gain.
Kind of makes the commercialism of it seem sort of…cheesy.
Posted by dmargarita at 2:46 PM
May 8, 2009
D-Day Benefit Bash!!
Hi All,
Just want to formally announce a benefit that my family and I are doing on Saturday, June 6, 8:00 at the Woburn Sons of Italy (Four Corners, Woburn, just off Rt. 95). The proceeds will go to the Bob & Miriam Margarita Scholarship Fund, which will be provided to one boy and one girl Stoneham High student/athlete. After his family (and of course his dogs), I think he loved Stoneham and Stoneham High more than anything.
He often said “I came to Stoneham for a job and I found a home.”
We will be featuring a tremendous Classic Rock band, Replay, as well as (*) Ready Steady Go!, Bucket of Blues and Ripple Effect (* Band line up subject to change). The food will be catered by Rig A’ Tony’s of Stoneham (sorry, cash bar). We will be raffling off several items including (but not limited to) four tickets in the lower bowl of a New England Patriots pre-season game, which they were kind enough to donate. Two pairs of tickets to go see comedian/political satirist Jimmy Tingle (60 Minutes II, The Tonight Show) at the Regent Theater on June 13 along with an autographed CD of Jimmy’s, a gift certificate for Anthony’s Italian Specialties and Delicatessen of Stoneham, two tickets to a future production at The Stoneham Theatre, as well as a door prize for $25 at the 99 Restaurant in Stoneham. You need to be there to win these, of course. There are more things in the works, too!
Tickets are $25 in advance or with a reservation, which can be obtained through the Athletic Office at Stoneham High: (781) 279-3806. They are $30 at the door that night. You may want to get your tickets in advance as my Dad’s popularity around Stoneham could mean that this event might sell out.
For those of you that didn’t know my dad, I’m adding a link to his obituary from the Boston Globe as well as a piece that I wrote for my column in the Stoneham Independent.
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/obituaries/articles/2008/07/31/bob_margarita_87_bears_star_was_longtime_coach_at_stoneham_high/
http://www.danmargarita.com/archives/2008/07/
If you are unable to attend and would like to contribute a tax-deductable donation, you can send it to:
The Bob & Miriam Margarita Scholarship Fund
C/o Stoneham High School
ATTN: Dave Pignone
149 Franklin St.
Stoneham, Ma. 02180
P.S...Yes, I will be doing a few numbers with the band...oh, that might scare you off...
Posted by dmargarita at 12:50 PM
May 5, 2009
Aaarggghhh You Kidding?
Each age has it’s own problems to deal with, i.e., a few hundred years ago it was plagues, religious fanatics and pirates. Here in the 21st century we are forced to deal with…plagues, religious fanatics and pirates. We’ve come so far.
Former FBI agent Jack Cloonan, who has been negotiating ransoms with Somali pirates, gave an interview with Spiegal International Online. Okay, I’ve never heard of Spiegal International Online before, but excerpts from the interview were quoted on national TV, so I have to assume that Spiegal is reputable.
Cloonan likened negotiating with pirates to buying a car in American. Yes, you car salesmen and women, a former FBI agent compared dealing with you to dealing you with pirates.
“You're dealing with somebody and negotiating and then finally he just throws his hands up and says: ‘All right, I've got to go talk to my manager,’” Cloonan told Spiegal.
Although I don’t suppose you can get some sort of “Warlord’s Day” deals.
Cloonan says the pirates are “fishermen one day and over the weekend they become pirates and on Monday they're fishermen again.” This must make for interesting talk by the water cooler on Monday morning.
“What did you do over the weekend, Bob?”
“I became a pirate.”
This begs the question; if you received part of a $2 million ransom over the weekend, why go back into work on Monday?
I suppose they’re no different from Americans that you see win the lottery and then tell the press, “I’m still going to keep my job.”
Except for Hugh Heffner, I can’t imagine why anybody would still want to keep their day job.
Cloonan also says that $100 million dollars in $100 bills weighs 29 pounds, but of course we all know what that feels like.
Another question that baffles is why a pirate who makes a number of scores from a few multi-million dollar ransoms would continue stay in the pirate business. In a country as disparately poor as Somalia, I wouldn’t think it would take a lot of loot to live comfortably for the rest one’s life.
According to the BBC (whom I have heard of), Somali pirates now live a lavish lifestyle.
"They wed the most beautiful girls; they are building big houses; they have new cars; new guns," a local told the BBC.
In America, we call them “rap artists.”
The BBC also says that “once a pirate makes his fortune, he tends to take on a second and third wife.”
Well, I guess that answers the question as to why they continue to back to sea for more loot. Even in Somalia, supporting more than one wife probably costs a few bucks, not to mention the “getting out of the house” factor. Would you want to hang around the house with more than one wife getting on your case?
“You just want to go out with your friends! You never take me plundering anymore!”
The three pirates who held Captain Richard Phillips hostage got to experience the downside of criminal life, which is, being killed by in the act of pirating (well, they experienced it in the nanosecond it takes for a bullet to penetrate one’s skull).
The pirates did have a chance to get away alive, had they kept their word and exchanged Capt. Phillips for their captured colleague. Believe it or not, once upon a time there was something known as “The Pirate Code of Conduct.” Yes, pirates once had ethics, as written by the infamous “Black Bart.”
Among the 11 articles were “No boys or women on board.” I’m sure that made a group of men spending months at sea in cramped quarters extremely happy.
Not all pirates are dangerous, though.
There’s a group of inept Pirates in Pittsburgh that don’t scare anybody.
Posted by dmargarita at 7:38 PM