DanMargarita.com

Once again, someone seems to have found the image of Jesus on their food. Linda Lowe, of Lake Bowen, Florida, is only the latest individual to have their meal emerge bearing the likeness of Jesus or a member of his family. Well, nobody ever seems to cook up an image of Joseph (and BTW, my apologies to Matt Groening of The Simpsons for using one of their jokes for my title).

According to BlueRidgeNow.com, just before Christmas, Ms. Lowe mentioned to her boyfriend Dupree Gilbert that she was hungry for a “cheese toast snack,” but forgot to add “hold the religious icons.”

The toast emerged, as toast seems to often do these days, bearing the likeness of a bearded, longhaired man. Online photos make that much clear, but whether it’s actually Jesus or an image of a generic bass player from a ‘70’s rock band, is up to the viewer.

BRN says that Lowe keeps the toast in a plastic container and that after five months, it still hasn’t gone “bad.” Well, duh; if it is Jesus, of course it wouldn’t go bad.

Ms. Lowe also states that she “would never eat it,” as though the temptation to munch on a five-month-old piece of toast still seems like a possibility at this point.

On the other hand, if the toast does go “bad,” it would then become moldy and thus eventually turn into penicillin, which actually could cure someone, so it may be divine indeed.

Among the more notable religious foods was a 10-year-old partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich, which sold for $28,000 on eBay in 2004. According to ABC News’ website, the chef and owner of the sandwich, Diana Duyser, took a bite of the sandwich in 1994, and “saw the image of Mary and immediately decided that this blessed snack was not to be eaten.” Exploited, commercialized and prostituted, yes, but not eaten.

The sandwich was bought by GoldenPalace.com, which planned to take the sandwich on tour, and no, I’m not making that up.

So, make sure to get in line early for tickets when the tour comes your way.

“Hey, man…did you get tickets to see the sandwich?”

From what I understand, a pot roast was supposed to open for the sandwich but canceled at the last minute.

Mind you, these are just the known foods bearing a holy likeness. What about all the grilled cheese sandwiches that have been eaten because people were hungry and not paying attention to see if their food resembled Jesus? Then there are those few untouched civilizations that might not be familiar with Christianity and could have laid out an entire feast that looked like Michelangelo’s Last Supper and not understood the significance.

With the economy in disarray right now, it seems like a good idea to invest in a toaster and some Wonder Bread and get busy in the kitchen. If burnt toast can fetch that much money, it’s time to start cooking. I would think that statistically, if one cooks enough toast, one will eventually come up with a piece that looks like Jesus, or maybe even all of the Apostles. Sort of like if you had an infinite amount of monkeys, with an infinite amount of toasters…

Yet nobody ever seems to make toast that looks like other icons or famous people. I guess it wouldn’t be a story that would get on CNN if someone claimed that they made a piece of toast that looks like Keith Richard. Then again, most burnt toast does look like Keith Richard.

On Ash Wednesday, 2007, a woman washing a pizza pan at a school in Houston, discovered on her third cleansing of the pan, an image of what seemed to be the Virgin Mary. Well, I guess Ash Wednesday’s as good a day any for that to happen.

Clearly, there seems to be one constant ingredient in these foods…cheese. It has long been said that “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”

If that means that He will send his message of peace and love via a cow’s udder, so be it. It’s just a shame that some people will exploit other people’s faith for financial gain.

Kind of makes the commercialism of it seem sort of…cheesy.