DanMargarita.com

If you read most headlines, however, you would have thought that the astronauts drank straight pee (and not on the moon rocks).

CNN’s website headline reads: “Astronauts Enjoy Recycled Urine.” That is a tad misleading. It’s not that they drank urine and enjoyed it, which seems to be the implication. They drank water that was recycled and had once been urine, thus it was water they enjoyed and not urine. So, this isn’t like the 1973 sci-fi movie Soylent Green, where citizens of the future are given a new foodstuff made of…citizens of the future. Still, CNN makes it sound like they were just drinking pee to wash down the poop sandwich they had earlier.

CNN might as well write, “Astronauts Enjoy Dog Vomit.”

Indeed, flight engineer Mike Barrett did tell the world, “The taste is great,” although one of his crewmates argued that it’s “Less filling.”

I recall that as a child, it was a big deal when the Apollo astronauts supposedly brought the powdered drink Tang to the moon. Perhaps their new Tang packets should read, “Just add urine.”

This recycling is seen as key technology to allow humans to travel further in space without needing to bring water for such missions as trips to the moon and Mars. You have to admit that this is a very original way of using available resources, which is necessary in such a limited environment. Perhaps the next step is to use astronaut flatulence as a means of propelling their spacecraft.

NASA isn’t done using every available scrap of biological matter available on the ISS, though. There are lab rats on the ISS and NASA is planning to include their waste for recycling purposes.

“A full complement of 72 rats would equal about one human in terms of water reclamation,” Layne Carter, a water-processing specialist with NASA, is quoted as saying.

This pretty much squares with what I have on my “rat-to-human” conversion chart.

This is all well and good, if you can find complimentary rats. I’ve generally found them to be quite insulting. Anyway, I had always thought that the collective noun for rats was a “pack.” I guess it sounds more scientific to call them a “compliment” of rats.

This project also holds promise for the future of humankind. While three-quarters of the Earth is covered by water, clean, safe drinking water is a scarce commodity in many third-world countries. Thus, this project may benefit mankind in the long run in our continued efforts to go “green,” or I suppose in this case, “yellow.”

Similar technology has existed for a while, with CNN even noting that it was used after the tsunami in Asia in 2004. They also note that with such large-scale use, there is typically “a much larger gap between urine and tap.”

For the love of God, I hope so.

Okay, so I’ve spent this column resorting to sixth grade potty humor for laughs this week. When CNN puts out a headline like “Astronauts enjoy recycled urine,” what else am I supposed to do?

According to the BBC, the astronauts were given permission to drink the water after tests on water recycled on previous missions, was deemed safe for consumption. This means that at some point, someone had to be the first to try it. I wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall that day.

“Go ahead, Bob. Drink it.”

“No, thanks, Ted. You first.”

If it hadn’t worked, I imagine it would’ve been embarrassing to have to report this on national TV back to NASA headquarters.

“Houston, we have a problem.”