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June 30, 2009
This Just In…
So many things to write about, so little memory left on my computer, and even less in my Hippocampus.
President Obama kills a fly during a national TV interview, causing outrage from animal-rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), who called it an “execution.” PETA urged Obama to “show a little more compassion to even the least sympathetic animals." Having just feasted on a pile of dog poop, the fly was without a doubt, the least sympathetic of animals. PETA also urged Obama to free all of the bubonic plague bacteria currently being held against their will in government labs.
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Financier fraudster Bernie Madoff, whose Ponzi scheme bilked investors out of billions of dollars, was sentenced to 150 years in prison on Monday for his deeds. With good behavior, Madoff may get out in 127 years.
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Michael Jackson, the “King of Pop” was pronounced dead at age 50 after a 911 call indicated he was without a pulse, even when the pulse was checked on his non-gloved hand.
Authorities say that toxicology results will take 4-6 weeks to be completed, or sooner if they’re sent to Hawaii Five-0’s “Che in the lab,” who typically got results to Steve McGarrett in 20 minutes.
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TV pitchman Billy Mays was found dead in his apartment on Saturday. Police rule out Michael Jackson as a suspect. Medical examiners are looking into the possibility that the amount of dye in his hair and beard may have caused blood poisoning.
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South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford admits that he lied in telling his staff that he was “hiking the Appalachian Trail” and was in fact in Argentina, continuing a long affair with a woman there. The publisher’s at Webster’s Dictionary announce the inclusion of the term “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” as a new euphemism for sex.
Sanford spent Father’s Day weekend with the woman instead of his wife and sons, whom may now think of it as “Lover’s Day.”
Sanford later compared himself to Biblical King David, who committed adultery with Bathsheba when they went “hiking the Jerusalem trail.”
Former Massachusetts governor and presidential hopeful Mitt Romney says he can bring credibility back to the party of “family values” who have been hurt by repeated incidents of marital infidelity.
“I may be rich and good-looking,” says Romney, “but I’m too boring for any woman to be interested in having an affair with.”
The former governor, a practicing Mormon, brags that he’s never cheated on his wives.
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Honduran president Manuel Zelaya was overthrown by the military in a coup d’état. Soldiers arrested Zelaya in his pajamas and flew him to Costa Rica for a forced exile. The pajamas remain under house arrest.
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Scandal has plagued Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who is alleged to have paid a woman to spend the night with him, telling her to “go wait on the big bed,” which is an Italian euphemism for “hiking the Appian Way.”
Berlusconi’s wife Veronica publicly blasted the prime minister for attending the birthday party of an 18-year-old lingerie model/actress and sued the prime minister for divorce. The Discovery Channel has approached Berlusconi about starring in a reality TV show called “Silvio and Veronica plus an 18 Year Old.”
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The Iranian government continues its violent crackdown of supporters of presidential candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi, whom protesters claim was robbed of victory by backers of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who won a landslide victory last week. Supporters of Mousavi note that Ahmadinejad even carried Florida.
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After years as an occupying force, the U.S. military pulls out of cities in Iraq as per their agreement with the Iraqi government. The frustrated Iraqi cities could not be reached for comment (Thank you, Chevy Chase/SNL for that joke).
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Johnny Carson’s longtime sidekick and Lowell, Ma. native Ed MacMahon passes away at age 86. His funeral procession is to be led by a team of Budweiser Clydesdales.
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And that's just the news that's fit to print.
Posted by dmargarita at 8:21 PM
June 16, 2009
Out In Left Field
Okay, so it’s the middle of June and the baseball season is two and a half months underway. Do you really think I’m going to tempt fate by putting my snow shovel away?
That said, I figured it was time to attend my first Major League Baseball games of the season, which I did…in New York City.
Taking the number 7 express from Times Sq., I arrive at the Citi Field, brand spanking new home of the Ney York Mets. Instead of waiting in the Will Call line, kiosks provide your ticket after a quick swipe of the credit card you bought the ticket with. Modern technology 1, quaintness of waiting in line like the old days, 0.
The main entrance is the Jackie Robinson Rotunda, a tribute to the man and styled after the legendary ballpark Ebbets Field in Brooklyn. Modern convenience and old-timeyness.
Since my first Mets game was in Shea Stadium in the last row of the upper deck for a Mets-Phillies game in 1987, I check out the last row of seats in the upper deck. With an extensive overhang, it seems less terrifying than the last row at Shea was when descending said stairs at such a steep pitch seemed like conclusion of a Hitchcock thriller.
My actual seat is in row B in a sliver of seats in left field, about ten feet from the foul pole. Home run territory.
Like Shea, planes still rise from over the left field section of the ballpark, but with such a low cloud ceiling, they quickly disappear into the clouds like Shoeless Joe Jackson disappearing into the corn in Field of Dreams.
There’s a kids section beyond CF and if you‘re there or enjoying a beverage from the bottled beer booth, you can still watch the game via a large screen TV. That goes along with two HD video screens inside the ballpark, one in CF and one right next to it in RF.
Being in New York, it seems appropriate to get a Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog at the ballpark. I seldom eat hot dogs as my doctor has urged me to cut down on the amount of rodent fecal matter in my diet. Nathan’s proudly noted that they were established in 1916 and my hot dog tastes like that’s when it was established.
The most annoying thing of the game, is having to show my ticket every time I return to my section, but overall it is a pleasant experience. The Phillies win on a Chase Utley HR in 11 innings.
Friday night is a warm summer evening and Times Sq. comes alive. The many video screens showing ads constantly change color, which changes the whole tone of that section of the square. Several areas have been blocked off to auto traffic and are pedestrian malls. You can sit in one of the deck chairs they’ve put there or position yourself for a photo that if you’d tried to take before, would’ve likely resulted in your demise.
While passing the ESPN Zone, I find myself among a crowd watching the Mets-Yankees game on a TV through the window. With two New York teams involved, half of the crowd is rooting for Mets, the other half the Yanks. With runners on first and second and two outs, Alex Rodriguez hits what appears to be an easy pop-up to second base for the third out and the Yanks fans groan while the Mets fans cheer. Remarkably, the Mets second baseman Castillo drops it. Two runs score and the Yankees win. Well, it’s more like the Mets lose. The shift in cheering is fun to watch.
Saturday is more of a challenge as I head into enemy territory, to the new Yankee Stadium. This jewel has wider seats with more legroom than the ones at Fenway Parl. Oh, yeah, all of the seats are cushioned. My seat is once again in left field.
Unfortunately, there is a slight drizzle. Fortunately, it’s not enough to delay the start of the game. Unfortunately, I didn’t bring a jacket or rain gear. Fortunately, there’s an overhang that juts out over the seats in left field. Unfortunately, it only extends to the row behind me, so while they do not get rained on, I do.
I decide to watch much of the game standing up behind the last row of the seats on the third base side, as you were once able to do at Fenway Park, but no longer can, but not before visiting the Yankee Museum. Autographed bats, balls and uniform jersey’s are impressive to an old-time baseball geek. Of course, I’m more awed by the Babe Ruth Yankees than the Joe Torre Yankees.
Like Citi Field, a fan has to show his/her ticket to get back to their seat, so in neither ballpark, no matter what the score, one cannot sneak down to the good seats late in a game or during a blowout when seats become available.
If there’s one thing New York City is known for, besides being the shooting ground for about five versions of the TV show Law & Order (and I did pass by L&O star and Woburn native Eric Bogosian and said, “Eric Bogosion, Woburn Tanner, Dan Margarita, Stoneham Spartan” which prompted a look from him as though I’d told him I was the Lindbergh baby), it’s the theater.
With the Mets having a commanding lead, I leave after the seventh inning because I have a ticket to see The 39 Steps at the Helen Hayes Theater. It’s a small but elegant little theater that opened in 1912, the same year as Fenway Park and when Helen Hayes was 12 years old. Seems kind of strange that they would name a theater after a 12 year old, but she was a legend.
The play The 39 Steps, is a comedy based on the Hitchcock movie of the same name. Yes, you read that correctly…a comedy based on a Hitchcock movie. While Hitchcock was know for some macabre humor, farcical comedy is not what comes to mind when you think of Alfred Hitchcock. I can’t wait to see Psycho, the Musical.
(Singing) “I’m gonna stab, stab, stab you in the shower/and watch your blood run drown the drain/ Cuz psycho killing gives me power/and sends endorphins through my brain.”
The show proved to be quite enjoyable, though. Perhaps the best part was getting my ticket at a discount through a coupon given out in the square. I had a seat right in the middle of the crowd for a perfect view.
I would’ve thought they’d stick me out in left field.
Posted by dmargarita at 4:33 PM
June 8, 2009
The Bob Lazarus Memorial Comedy Benefit
I just wanted to announce that I’ve been invited to perform next Sunday evening at the Bob Lazarus Memorial Comedy Benefit at the Ahavath Torah Congregation at 1179 Central Street in Stoughton, Ma.
I will be performing my song “Gone But Not Forgotten,” a tribute to both my good friend Bob Lazarus, who passed away on January 4th, his 53rd birthday, after a long battle with leukemia and my father, Stoneham legend Bob Margarita, who passed away last year at age 87.
Proceeds will benefit Laz’ daughter Carly, through the Carly Lazarus College Fund and the ATC, where Laz was an active member.
MC Jimmy Tingle will be hosting this All-Star line up of Boston's best comics - Steven Wright, Steve Sweeney, Tony V, Jonathan Katz, Frank Santorelli, Bill Braudis, Mike McDonald, Rich Ceisler, Jimmy Smith, Tommy Gilmore, Bill Campbell, Mike Donovan, Ken Rogerson, Brian Powers, Bob Seibel, Mike Bent and Chance Langton.
Tickets are $40. / $50. / $65. / $118. VIP including post-show Meet and Greet with comedians. All ticket fees and service charges are included in the ticket prices. Doors open at 6pm, and refreshments will be available including beer and wine.
To order tickets please call toll-free (866) 811-4111 or order online at www.jimmytingle.com. You can also visit www.atorah.org for more information, to order tickets and directions.
Posted by dmargarita at 6:29 PM