DanMargarita.com

Little Joe (the gorilla and not the late actor Michael Landon who played Little Joe on the TV show “Bonanza”) sparked quite a manhunt…er, apehunt several years ago after not one, but two escapes from the Franklin Park Zoo, although I don’t recall if the Herald’s headline at the time was “YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPER!”

It seems that Zoo New England director John Linehan warned legislators in a letter that if budget cuts took place, several animals might have to be euthanized if they were unable to be placed in other settings. The implication seemed to be that Governor Deval Patrick would hover over the facilities in a helicopter with a rifle and gun down the animals as they slept in their cages. Actually, that does sound like one of Sarah Palin’s hobbies, and hey, she will soon have a lot of extra time on her hands.

On Monday the Herald quoted a spokesman for the governor as saying that “there will be no animals euthanized on this administration’s watch,” with the paper going so far as to say that Patrick “commuted the death sentence” hanging over the animal’s heads.

That seems reminiscent of an old movie and I can picture a gorilla sitting in his cage, waiting for a note from the governor to spare him the electric chair.

I'm assuming his last meal would be bananas.

With the state facing a massive budget deficit and no one anxious to raise taxes, programs will be cut and before social programs and the arts get the axe (as they invariably do), other programs may go first.

A trip to the Stone Zoo on a hot and humid (these days, more rare than some of the animals there) Sunday gave me a chance to get a good look at what we will miss if the zoo is closed.

At the entrance I immediately saw a creature that is indeed quite rare in these parts…a Yankees fan. As for the creatures inside the zoo (excluding the divorced dads having custody for the day), the results were mixed.

Longtime favorite Major the polar bear is gone, but in his place were two brown bears. Sadly, they seem to have much less room than I recall Major having, and unless their natural surroundings involved concrete in cramped quarters, I can’t imagine they were having the time of their life.

There was a bald eagle, on loan from another zoo, which was unable to fly due to the fact that he had damaged wings. They didn’t say how his wings were damaged, but I suspect fowl play. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

The cage of the river otter was a disappointment, as he or she was nowhere to be found. Hey, for $10 admission, he otter show up! (and the puns continue!).

A worker, whose name tag identified her as Sandy, standing by the cage of the gibbon responded to a question by saying “I’m not a monkey, but I think she’s comfortable.” Good thing she cleared that confusion up. I wasn’t sure what to make of it when I saw Sandy throwing her feces.

Sandy noted that the gibbon came from the Bronx and wasn’t allowed to breed because her line had been so inbred that they feared her offspring would be cross-eyed and play “Dueling Banjos” on the banjo. Okay, that last part is hyperbole on my part, but the first segment is true. Besides, who needs another Yankees fan in these here parts, anyway?

It seems the Corn Snake “feeds on mice, bats, rats, birds and her own eggs.” If it does come down to euthanizing the animals, it sounds like the Corn Snake can do a fair amount of the work.

Well, the public has been properly alarmed and I have no doubt that somehow, someone from somewhere will find the money to keep these creatures alive.

If there isn’t enough money to feed the animals, I can already see the Herald’s next headline.

“YES, WE HAVE NO BANANAS.”