DanMargarita.com

I was well behind everyone, first on getting a computer and then well behind on joining the networking site Myspace (and as popular as these sites now are, they are apparently new enough that my old Microsoft Word program highlights them as non-existent words). Just when I finally got on Myspace, it seemed like that was no longer the “hip” thing and by now everybody had moved to a new site called “Facebook.” Please don’t tell me that my bell-bottom pants and Nehru jacket will go out of style.

Not that I have ever had any aspirations of being hip (that boat has long ago sailed), but as a writer/singer/comedian and whatever, it seems like these sites would be good for me to get my work out there to be seen/read/heard, or whatever. As you can see, these sites have clearly vaulted me to national prominence.

So who determines exactly what is hip and what must be purchased or seen? Teenagers….

Yup, adolescents with acne, burgeoning facial hair or blossoming breasts, whose most frequently used word is “like,” (and not in comparing things, but as a filler word) are in many ways, the ones running this country. The sad thing is that they don’t even know it.

Movies, music, TV shows and especially fashion, is increasingly geared to these citizens who have the disposable income to buy these things that their parents would rather spend on items like food, electricity or health insurance.

Have you tried to buy a pair of shorts lately? Teenage boys walk around with trousers that fall somewhere between the knee and the ankle. They’re not exactly shorts, but they’re not quite pants, either. They’re ports or…shants (okay, I understand why Word highlighted “shants”). Out of these teenage boys that wear the ports…or shants, half of them wear them low enough to let the public know if they’re also wearing Calvin Klein, Fruit of the Loom or Underoos.

Alas, the newest technological wonder seems to be Twitter. Yes, I finally broke down and joined Twitter, although it went against every instinct in my body. Members of congress have been known to “tweet” from the middle of presidential speeches. A “tweet” of course, is what a message posted on Tweeter is called. You can actually do it from your phone. Well, maybe you can do it but I can’t. I have enough trouble Tweeting on my computer, much less my cell phone. I hear about Twitter not working sometimes, so I don’t know if, when I have trouble posting, it’s not working or I just screwed up trying to post something. If Tweeter is always screwing up, that could be it but I have so little faith in my tech ability that I’m just going to assume it’s me.

Twitter only allows 140 characters to be posted (if you can post them!), so it becomes necessary to abbreviate and use symbols. In other words, everything you learned about spelling and grammar in school you can just toss out the window.

In fact, when people started sending email slang, it confused the hell out of me. When I got my first email emoticon, (huh…Word accepted that) I didn’t recognize the sideways smiley face as a smiley face. I assumed they leaned on the keyboard and didn’t realize it, or had a seizure. And yet, as I try to types the emoticon smiley face here, Word prints it out as an actual smiley face!

Some tweets (not to be confused with “twits”) are simply too hard to read.

“0I8B4U” is “Oh, I ate before you.”

Shakespeare must be rolling in his grave.

“2b or not 2b.”

It’s not like people seem to write important stuff on Twitter or sometimes on Facebook, but they feel the need to let us know about every mundane thing they do.

“Going to have a tuna sandwich for lunch.”

Even Hemingway couldn’t have gotten that published.

Okay, it’s time to go to bed now.

I’m sorry, “OK its time 2 go 2 zzzz now.”

LOL!!