DanMargarita.com

Richard and Mayumi Heene, of Colorado, captured the nation’s attention when they claimed that a helium balloon, for reasons of which are as yet to be determined (unless Heene was thinking he was The Wizard of Oz), was in their yard when it lifted off by accident, allegedly carrying their six-year-old son, Falcon. The fact that they would name their son Falcon should’ve been a heads up that this couple was perhaps not playing with a full deck.

Low and behold (or is it “lo and behold?), after flights from Denver Airport were delayed, the Army National Guard deployed a helicopter and the national media had their satellite trucks in the Heenes driveway, the boy appeared, claiming to have hid the attic of their garage. A Brady Bunch moment, if ever there was one.

It was in an interview with CNN’s Wolfe Blitzer (seriously, “Wolfe Blitzer” doesn’t get highlighted by me spell check?) that Falcon coughed up the truth that the family “did this for the show.” If only Wolfe could’ve gotten Dick Cheney to cough up the truth about invading Iraq.

It was on The Today Show, however, that Falcon did more than cough it up; he spit it up, throwing up on live TV, no doubt a video he’ll one day enjoy having played at his wedding. I can’t imagine what Falcon might have confessed to if he’d been waterboarded by Cheney. After all is said and done, I think most of us feel like emulating Falcon on this one.

Celebrity is not new to the Heene’s, having been on the reality TV show Wife Swap. In the ‘70’s that was sort of something swingers did, but now you can have it videotaped.

News reports state that The Heene’s is a self-described “storm chasers.” You can make a living at that? Is that what they write it on their tax form? Must be tough for them to get health and life insurance.

This seems a tad dangerous and bringing your kids into that situation is probably not the most responsible parenting decision.

“Hey, honey, there’s a sniper on Rt. 391. Let’s take the kids there to get a look!”

According to one news report, the Heene’s are listed on a promotion for Wife Swap which says "When the Heene family aren't chasing storms, they devote their time to scientific experiments that include looking for extraterrestrials and building a research-gathering flying saucer to send into the eye of the storm. In this ultimate swap, the Heenes swap lives with a psychic mom who speaks to the dead and can control the weather, her husband and her children -- who believe they are destined to be star."

I can’t guess at what “scientific experiments” the Heene’s are involved with, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that they will not be the ones who cure cancer.

Well, Mr. and Mrs. Heene, congratulations. You are famous after all. However, that’s quite different from being “infamous,” which you’ve also become.

This is probably not the kind of fame they envisioned, though. They are looking at the very least at misdemeanor charges being filed, and quite possibly federal charges, not to mention reimbursing authorities for the expenses incurred in looking for a child who wasn’t actually missing (hiding in the attic doesn’t count).

Personally, I think they should be sent to The Hague for committing crimes against humanity.

Falcon Heene is only six-years old, and thus managed to be both a willing participant and also an innocent victim at the same time. I suspect that one day he’ll be spending serious time on a therapist’s couch.

Kid, you should’ve picked better parents.