DanMargarita.com

Such begins the song Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer as famously sung by cowboy singer Gene Autry.

Many of us of a certain age grew up watching the classic Rankin and Bass animated production of the show of the same name. Whether it is a sign of our age now, or the age that we live in, I find myself reading criticisms of the show and it’s propensity for goofs in continuity on the Internet.

People, this is not a Ken Burns PBS documentary.

If Burns’ World War II documentary, The War claimed that Normandy Beach was stormed exclusively by Catholic nuns, there would deservedly be an outcry for a correction.

Sure, Santa takes off in his sleigh at the end with only six reindeer plus Rudolph. Perhaps two reindeer had negotiated a day off in their union contract. One point of contention is the Misfit Girl Doll, who seemingly has nothing wrong with her. This apparently remained a mystery for years but was finally addressed by Rankin/Bass, who explained (and I’m not making this up) that the Misfit Girl Doll was on the Island of Misfit Toys because she had “psychological” problems. “She feels unloved,” they added. It seems much more of a New Age notion that she was a misfit because she was unable to connect emotionally with another doll.

Mind you, back then there were no commercials for little pills to retrieve you from the throws of depression…or erectile dysfunction (there’s one doll you didn’t see on the Island of Misfit Toys!).

My recollection is that only “boy” reindeer could play in the reindeer games, but isn’t one of the reindeer named Vixen? Doesn’t that indicate a female by definition? Then of course, there’s Prancer, who presumably joined the team under Santa’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

The star of the show, other than Rudolph, is Hermie, the elf who wants to become a dentist. He is also the only elf who doesn’t have pointed ears, which probably made him more of an outcast than the fact that he wanted to be a dentist.

That leads us to another quandary as to whether or not Santa ever had kids. Are the elves his kids? If so, the fact that he’s 2000 years old may explain having so many weird looking kids. If they’re not his kids, then what’s the deal? Is Mrs. Claus merely his “beard”?

How come Admiral Byrd didn’t see Santa’s workshop when he flew over the North Pole? Huh? Huh?

I could never figure why Yukon Cornelius was always licking his pick (not as dirty as it sounds) after digging it into the ground. As a child, it made me think you could taste gold and silver. It’s because he wasn’t supposed to be looking for gold or silver, although they are mentioned, but he was apparently looking for a peppermint mine. That would make a lot more sense.

What most people probably don’t know is that the end, where Santa comes back for the Misfit Toys to be delivered to boys and girls, is not the original ending. People who viewed the show as it debuted in 1964 saw Santa fly away and leave the toys there. That prompted a furious letter writing campaign, prompting a new ending, the one we are now familiar with, for the 1965 broadcast. Hopefully the DVD version will include other alternative endings, like the one with Hermie’s venison dinner.

If you’re wondering why Rudolph is never mentioned on Clement Moore’s classic poem ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, it is because Rudolph didn’t exist until 1939 when he was invented as part of a promotion for the Montgomery Ward department store. Yes, cheap commercialism brought about our beloved song and TV show. Thank God we never got “A Joe Isuzu Christmas.” Perhaps this commercialism what Charlie Brown was complaining about in the 1965 show, A Charlie Brown Christmas.

The “Rudolph” show may have its issues, but they’re fun to discuss. Nevertheless, the show remains an enjoyable memory from my childhood.

I have to admit, I still don’t want a Charlie-in-the-box.