May 19, 2011
And I Feel Fine
It’s about to be the end of the world as we know and frankly, I’m okay with it. If you haven’t heard by now, The Rapture is scheduled for this Saturday, May 21 at a time still to be determined.
The Rapture, for those unaware, is when Jesus will return to Earth and call up to Heaven his followers. Those left on Earth will suffer and be tortured, all the while begging for the end of the world which is scheduled to occur on October 21. Hopefully, you non-believers will be reading this before Saturday so that you will have a chance to convert and be saved. While you’re at it, don’t bother buying any Halloween candy.
For more information, you can go to www.judgementday2011.com. Besides information, for $18.90 (and I’m not making this up) you can buy a T-shirt, which reads, “Rapture Ready.” Apparently, Jesus might need some identification to know which ones to take. At least it’s good to know that there’s no dress code for Heaven. Understandably, the T-Shirts are available “for a limited time only.”
Exactly where all of this came from, I’m not sure but one culprit seems to be a man named Harold Camping, a Christian radio personality. Mind you, Mr. Camping also predicted that The Rapture would occur in 1994. I think he might have confused The Rapture with the Major League Baseball strike.
According to the website, Judgment Day will not be the first time God has judged you. “God Judged (sic) you when you were first born,” it says. I assume that’s just for being born since as a baby you wouldn’t have had a chance to do anything else to be judged for.
I haven’t been able to find out precisely what time The Rapture will happen. Perhaps it’s like New Years Eve where it starts in the Far East and then works its way around the world. I will make a point to check ABC TV to see if Ryan Seacrest will be showing scenes of people being Raptured in Hong Kong. Unless the event will take place all at once, again no time has been specified that I’ve seen, be it Greenwich Mean Time or Eastern Standard Time. I suppose this is where the International Date Line comes into play. While the folks in Fiji are being called up to Heaven, the people of Hawaii may have to wait for The Rapture to come back around the globe to them.
Exactly what are the signs of the end of world approaching?
The website provides a list.
False Prophets: They list Joel Osteen and two others, whom the website states “will not be joining us.”
War and Rumors of Wars: This is something new?
Famines: The website notes the flooding of the Mississippi River, which they have determined will lead to famine. Okay, I’ll grant that this is not out of the realm of possibility.
Earthquakes: Between Haiti and now Japan, there indeed have been some major earthquakes, so this is starting to get a little scary.
Persecutions and Tortures to the Elect: Who are the Elect? The Elect are those who believe in Jesus Christ. This argument would be more persuasive if they didn’t use the persecuted Elect priests who have been accused of sexual molestation. I’m okay with child molester being persecuted and tortured.
Lawlessness: This is my favorite category. They cite the killing of an unarmed Osama bin Laden, without capturing and trying him as an example. That’s a legitimate question. The funny part comes in when they mention “Notice how people no longer use their blinker when driving, or park between the lines properly in parking lots.”
Yup, Boston driving and bad parking are definitely the sign of the Apocalypse.
Of course, the initial source for all of this is The Book of Revelation in The New Testament.
It is here that we learn of The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse: Conquest, War, Famine and Death. They are said to serve as harbingers of The Last Judgment and not a new punk rock group.
The horses are in four colors, with Conquest as the White Horse. This seems appropriate since the white man has historically conquered and subjugated indigenous cultures throughout the world.
The Red Horse represents war. Red is anger and what is more angry than war? Personally, I think Secretariat was a better name.
The Black Horse is Famine. All one has to do is read of the tens of millions suffering in Africa to see how appropriate this one is. Damn you, Conquest.
The Pale Horse is Death. A Pale Horse? Of all the colors in the world, they couldn’t be more specific?
Well, maybe this isn’t b.s. at all.
See you all next time…or not.
Posted by dmargarita at 11:36 PM
May 16, 2011
DANMARGARITA.COM Exclusive! A New Video!
Hello All,
As a member of DANMARGARITA.COM you are getting an exclusive of my new video, "Who Killed Sonny Bono?" which with all of the birthers, etc. seems relevant in these times. Here's the link, hope you enjoy,
Dan
Just paste and copy this link to your browser...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keJVLrDw9PY&feature=email
Posted by dmargarita at 11:26 PM
May 6, 2011
Osama Been Deadin’
I’ve been in the process of moving (relocating, that is and not merely breathing), so I’ve been out of touch with things for a few days. When I finally went online I couldn’t believe the good news…Prince William and Kate Middleton got married! Oh, yes…there was something about Osama bin Laden being killed.
Yes, the Al Qaeda leader is finally, truly and irrevocably dead.
The whereabouts of Ayman al-Zawahri, Al Qaeda’s Number 2, remain unknown. Nor are the whereabouts of Mini Me known.
It seems that intelligence was gathered from a Guantanamo Bay detainee (not necessarily from waterboarding) gave U.S. officials the name of a trusted individual that bin Laden used as a courier to communicate with the outside world. I suppose if you’re the most hunted person in the world, you aren’t willing to take the chance to see “what Brown can do for you.”
This was apparently his only means of communication as for security reasons he had no phone or Internet, not a single luxury. Like Robinson Crusoe…sorry, got carried away.
According to the initial reports, Navy SEAL’s (contrary to rumors they were not actual seals) stormed the compound and engaged in a firefight with forces, including bin Laden. One of bin Laden’s men, possibly even bin Laden himself, reportedly used a woman, quite possibly one of bin Laden’s wives, as a human shield during the melee. Not exactly your Sir Walter Raleigh coat-over-a-puddle moment of gallantry.
In keeping with Islamic tradition, bin Laden’s body was washed (although there’s not enough soap in the world to get the moral stink off that S.O.B.) and buried within 24 hours by a burial at sea. No doubt, with no body to view, the conspiracy theorists will claim that it’s a hoax and that bin Laden is still alive (as of my most recent Facebook check, it’s already started). Then again, with President Obama finally producing his long-form birth certificate, the “birther” folks will need something to fill their obviously more than ample free time.
It seems that bin Laden had for many years not been in charge of operations, but a mere figurehead. I imagine that it’s kind of hard to plan major military operations against a super power when the closest thing to technology that you possess is an abacus.
That’s a figurehead as Fidel Castro has become a figurehead. He may now just show up at the Havana Applebee’s in a sweatsuit for the early Bird Special, but he’s still the guy who led the Cuban revolution in 1959.
The same could have been said for the late New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner. Oh, while he was often referred to as a “dictator,” I feel justified in saying that he probably didn’t have anyone killed (I think).
In all fairness, I always admired Mr. Steinbrenner’s ability to mock himself and his own image. Honestly, he probably didn’t have anyone killed.
Al Qaeda itself, while still possessing the ability to cause havoc, fear and death in the world, seems to have been somewhat diminished in recent months. Residents of Tunisia and Egypt have created change in their countries in a relatively short time with mass protests. They didn’t need to bring down a building or jumbo jet to obtain their objective.
While on site, the team of SEAL’s gathered several documents, none of which were probably his cable TV bill. Hopefully this will help head off some future terrorist attack. It would stink if translation reveals that it’s just Osama’s “to do list.”
1. Feed the goats.
2. Wash my spare tunic.
3. Kill Americans.
As one “one official said. “Can you imagine what’s on Osama bin Laden’s hard drive?”
I’m guessing “Osama has sent you a goat in Farmville.”
For obvious reasons, bin Laden and those in the secure compound with him went to great lengths to hide the identity of its occupants. Rather than having trash collected, everything was burned. Oh, great…not only was bin Laden a mass murderer, he contributed to depleting the ozone layer.
Apparently, while bin Laden had a weapon, he is not believed to have gotten off a shot. One of the SEAL's did, however. It was a shot through the eye, which killed bin Laden, as a shot through the eye is inclined to do.
Documents seem to be the only thing (along with bin Laden’s body) that the SEAL's retrieved form the compound. I’m just wondering if, while there, they looked for Whitey Bulger.
Posted by dmargarita at 6:09 PM