October 23, 2011
Occupy Sesame Street
There’s something happening here, but what it is ain’t exactly clear. All over the country people fed up with corporate greed and the influence of money in politics have taken a stand with the “Occupy Wall Street” movement. Yet, there’s another street where a stand needs to be taken…Sesame Street.
This colorful street represents a cross section of Muppet-Americans. However, in these tense economic times, we have pitted Muppet against Muppet. Class warfare at its best or should I say worst, my friends.
Thus, it wouldn’t surprise me if the anger of the “have-nots” from OWS transfers to the “have-nots”of Sesame Street, who would then be trying to hold the “haves” of Sesame Street held accountable for their part in bringing down the economy.
The only question is how can we know exactly who on Sesame Street are the “haves” and who are the “have-nots”?
Let’s take a look at some of the characters from “the Street” and see if we can determine this riveting question. Some are easy to spot while others a bit murkier (I don’t have kids so, thank you Wikipedia).
Count von Count---Spends his days, or should I say, nights, counting his millions. I mean, he wears a cape for heaven’s sake. He comes from royalty and has blue blood (but will drink red blood).
Ernie---Best described as a “free spirit” and a “trickster,” his signature song is “Rubber Duckie.” One wouldn’t be surprised to see Ernie at an OWS protest, wearing a bandana and playing a guitar.
Bert---Ernie’s best friend, he collects paper clips and is fascinated by pigeons. Unlike Ernie, he is tense and easily upset. There have been allegations that the two are in a same-sex relationship. If this is true, Ernie would be a Log Cabin Republican. They do say that opposites attract.
Cookie Monster---This creature is clearly a religious zealot. He single-mindedly focuses one thing and one thing only, and that would be the hoarding of cookies. Yes, he’s cornered the cookie market and in the opinion of the OSS movement, ought to be subject to an anti-trust investigation. Clearly, he’s a Tea Party member and it has been noted that in this country one percent of the monsters own 99 percent of the cookies.
Grover----Most recently seen on the Internet being restrained by members of the NYPD, Grover is described as a “valiant, caring monster.” That is why he undoubtedly had to be restrained by the NYPD since he was trying to assist OSS members who had been pepper sprayed. He’s a definite OSS member.
Oscar the Grouch---Clearly, he’s the Muppet who more than any other has fallen on hard times. Bad stock market investments and bundled derivatives have left this once pillar of society who has lost everything, living in a garbage can. He’s not part of the OSS movement, he was living there already.
Rosita---The first bilingual Muppet on Sesame Street, clearly she has come to the U.S. to take American Muppet jobs. She is what the OSS movement is fighting for, in part.
Elmo---He is only three and a half years old, demonstrating how the OSS movement is trying to indoctrinate the young ones.
Kermit the Frog---Nobody ever seems to have wondered about his bizarre relationship with Miss Piggy. Let’s face facts here. She’s a pig. I don’t mean she sleeps around, although she may, for all we know but she is literally a pig. This type of inter-species breeding seems fit for The Island of Doctor Moreau.
Big Bird---An 8’ 2” yellow bird, he is considered naïve and had the mentality of a six-year-old child. That’s a human child, and not a Big Bird child.
Countess von Backwards---She counts everything backward, so I’m not exactly sure where she fits on the political scale.
Roosevelt Franklin---Removed from the show because "he was thought by some to be a negative cultural stereotype." This is clearly another move by the “haves” to prevent voter turnout in Mr. Franklin’s neighborhood. He would fit right in at an OSS rally.
Aloysius Snuffleupagus---He was Big Bird’s imaginary friend until 1985 when he was revealed to the adult cast. What, did the writers go on strike that week? That’s the best they could come up with?
Anyway, it is tine for America to take back out streets…even if they’re imaginary.
Posted by dmargarita at 2:17 PM
October 2, 2011
‘Twas The Night Before Playoffs
Sometimes it’s a struggle to come up with something to write about for this column. Other times, stories present themselves. Hello, Boston Red Sox.
The Red Sox abysmal (so many adjectives to choose from, so little time) collapse in September, not to mention the final game of the season, has brought back some haunting memories for those of us who grew up watching the Red Sox seemingly go out of their way sometimes to make their next “choke” more spectacular than their last one.
When former Boston legend Larry Bird was in town for an event earlier in the year, he noted that with the recent success of all four major Boston sports franchises (sorry, Boston Blazers, New England Revolution and Boston Lobsters) that kids growing up un New England today have only known their teams to be successful.
They do not know the heartbreak generations of fans have suffered. They don’t know who Denny Galehouse is. They don’t know who Bucky “Bleeping” Dent is. They’ve probably heard of Bill Buckner, I suppose, since he’s still occasionally referenced in popular culture and his infamous error in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series pops up now and then.
Thus I have decided to write a poem to educate the kiddies on the Sox historic foibles as well as a wrap-up of game 162 of the 2011 season.
It is a combination of Clement Moore’s, “The Night Before Christmas, aka “A Visit From St. Nicholas,” “Paul Revere’s Midnight Ride” and “Casey at the Bat.”
“’Twas The Night Before Playoffs”
By Dan Margarita
‘Twas the night before playoffs
The Red Sox last game
And just like the old days
They went down in flames
So listen my children
To one of my talks
And you'll hear of the collapse
Of the Boston Red Sox
I'm sure for the Sox
This is not what they meant
But they brought back the ghost
Of Bucky “Bleeping” Dent
"On Bucker! On Stanley"
And all of those ghosts
"On Pesky! On WIlliams!
And of course Eddie Yost"
The Sox took the lead
And had reason to mock
When Scutaro scored
On a rare pitcher's balk
Big Papi singled
To give the O's trouble
But got thrown out at second
Stretching it into a double
A third base coach
With a head made of bone
Got Scutaro needlessly
Thrown out at home
We prayed for the Yanks
To beat the Tamp Bay club
But sadly, the Yankees
Only put in their subs
With two outs and Papelbon
Out on the mound
It seemed a no-brainer
The decision was sound
A fly ball to Crawford
And the Sox would survive
It's likely he'd catch it
If only he'd dive
He opted to slide
To try for the catch
And missed it real badly
And made us all wretch
He still had a chance
With a throw to the plate
But his throw it was wild
And weak and too late
The Yanks gave us hope
Which was something we'd need
And then went and blew
A seven run lead
Now the summer is over
And the season in ruins
Let's root for the Celtics
The Pats and the Bruins
With all of the snow we had last winter, it seemed to last forever. No matter how much snow we have this winter, the means by which the Red Sox season ended, may make this winter seem even longer.
Posted by dmargarita at 4:28 PM