DanMargarita.com

Black Friday has come and gone and Cyber Monday is also past (well, by the time you read this). By now we’ve all heard the horror stories of the craziness surrounding Black Friday. A woman shopping at a Walmart in LA pepper sprayed a crowd of some 20 people in order to gain advantage in grabbing an Xbox 360. She then managed to escape detection and went on her way shopping (police have now reportedly questioned a suspect). In her defense, she did pay for it before she left the store. She may be an insensitive thug, but apparently she’s not a shoplifter.

For some reason, a lot of these incidents seem to be taking place at various Walmart locations. Maybe they should replace their “greeters” with college football players instead the elderly, like the 100-year-old woman who was knocked to the ground by a 37-year-old woman.

Another incident involved a robbery attempt over $1.88 towels. First of all, who’s buying someone towels for Christmas? Secondly, who’s spending $1.88 on someone for a Christmas? Thirdly (if that is a word), if you’re going to risk going to jail to steal towels worth $1.88, you’re the stupidest robber ever (A hint to my relatives, please don’t give me towels for Christmas. Not if you want me to speak to you again).

In Northern California a man was shot outside a (wait for it) Walmart around 1:45 a.m. when he refused to hand over his purchases to armed robbers. Buddy, give the guy the towels.

In Florida a man was arrested after a fight broke out at a jewelry counter (“He went to Jared! Wait, it was Walmart?”).

These people turned Black Friday into “Black and Blue” Friday.

This should be all the more reason for more people to participate in Cyber Monday. If someone attacks you while you’re sitting at your kitchen table, your problems aren’t Christmas-related.

I suppose that the appeal of Black Friday is the deals one can get at Walmart (or wherever). Otherwise, one could do their shopping in June to get presents for their loved ones. Christmas comes the same time every year, people. It shouldn’t come as a surprise.

“A Charlie Brown Christmas” complained about commercialism as far back as 1965 and that was long before such a thing as Black Friday existed. What would that blockhead Charlie Brown think now, and why did they refer to him as a “blockhead” when he had the most round head of anyone who ever existed?

Thus, in the spirit of Christmas I have to ask, is this what Jesus would do?

Sure, shopping at Christmas time can be hectic, frustrating and I once spent 20 minutes driving around the Burlington Mall parking lot looking for a parking spot, only to have to turn around and go home, as none were available.

Should I have called AAA and told them I need my car towed and then have them tow some unlucky person’s car? I’m guessing Jesus would say, “no.” In fact, he probably didn’t even have AAA.

This doesn’t sound like the Jesus I grew up hearing about. Only once is it written that Jesus showed any type of violent streak and that was when he expelled the moneychangers from Herod’s Temple.

“And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all of them who sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves” and turned it into “a den of thieves” (Matthew 21:12-13).

He told those who sold doves, “Get these out of here! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” (John 2:13-16) (I hope I’m getting these correct).

I think we’ve all been there in high school, wanting to get everybody out of the house before Dad comes home.

Yes, Jesus kicked ass and took names. His actions were the complete opposite of these shopping-crazed loons. It was an anti-greed moment.

With a depressed economy, it is good to see that this Black Friday set retail sales records. However, I think it may have also set police record “record” too.

Perhaps for the first time I should participate in Cyber Monday. The only thing I have to worry about parking is my butt in a chair.